I hate to see people in pain. I hate to see those I love with all my heart end up having a broken heart themselves. If I could I would protect them from having to experience such feelings.
As good as my intentions may be: there's nothing I can do.
It's a helpless feeling actually.
I'd fight, scream, cry... anything if it would mean that those I love were safe from being hurt.
Sometimes it is through pain that growth happens. If I protect those I love from pain then maybe they won't learn the lessons they need.
Do I wish someone would have protected me? Yes and no. I don't enjoy being broken hearted. I don't enjoy pain.
BUT
I have learned so much in my 35 years....sometimes through the hardships of life. I can't discredit the school of hard knocks, broken hearts and the freedom of souls.
It's hard to stand back and watch. But it's something that I need to do. I need to pray and trust that the same God who brought me through will bring through the ones I love.
Some of you are about to embark a journey that is something you never thought you'd walk but I know you will make it.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Clay's Week in Review
What a week it has been. It's been extremely busy but oh so enjoyable. It all started last Saturday night with my niece's pinning ceremony. This is a ceremony that celebrates the achievements of the Practical Nursing program. My niece is now a Practical Nurse. There's one more hurdle to come in September. It's a big exam that gives her the liscence. I'm very happy and excited that after all she has been through this last two and a half years that she worked hard at what she loves to do.
Monday night was my nephew's prom. He was very handsome in his tux. His date was absolutely stunning in her dress. They made a lovely couple. The excitement I felt was overwhelming. I felt as if I were living my experience through him. I didn't go to my prom which had been my choice but now looking back I wonder if I missed out on the experience.
Wednesday night was his graduation. I am so proud. I hope I don't sound like I'm bragging. He won 8 awards that evening. One for Chemistry. One for French. He had high honors. I don't even remember all the awards he won. He also had a few scholarships as well. He's going to the University of New Brunswick to pursue Science in the field of medicine. The thought that he may find a cure for some disease...oh wow. :) Anything is possible.
Friday morning was my niece and sister's graduation. Who would have thought that a mother and daughter would graduate together. My sister graduated with honors and she also was chosen for the principal's award. I was so proud and excited for her. She had some tough hurdles to cross over the year but she did it! God helped her. I know there were many tears shed, frustration felt but God saw fit to give her the strength to not only complete but also to thrive.
So three wonderful and important people in my life begin to embark on a journey of new things. I pray that this same stamina will be imparted to me to embark new things too.
I was very encouraged last night by watching the news. For whatever reason, I have been praying for a small community. I really don't have any connection to this community other than I had been there a few times as a teen. I always felt some sort of connection to this community. Anyways, last night I heard that a business is going to be expanding there.
You may wonder why I was encouraged by this. The reason is that I have been praying for this community and felt that there were businesses that were going to bring life back to this community. The last time I had been there, I felt this deep sadness. I felt like I had been transferred to a desert. God is wanting to take this community and bring it back to life. Not to just it's former glory but to a present glory. So this is exciting for me.
I have also been encouraged by talking to friends this week. I have talked to a friend I haven't seen in 25 years. She shared some of her story with me. We all have a story that needs to be shared. I am so glad she trusted me enough to share. :)
I also talked with a friend who has been having a bit of health issues. I've been praying for doors to open and close for him. I really believe it's going to happen.
My pastor encouraged me with an email concerning the way I had been handling background vocals at church. I don't have a soft voice...ha. I have so enjoyed singing background vocals. It is a bit different for me. I am used to just being completely spontaneous with singing where background vocals require me to be a bit more controlled....which isn't a bad thing. It's been a very positive experience.
So life is good. I don't know what's ahead. Maybe that's the beauty of it. I heard someone say once that it's not the destination but the journey that is beautiful. Maybe they're right.
Monday night was my nephew's prom. He was very handsome in his tux. His date was absolutely stunning in her dress. They made a lovely couple. The excitement I felt was overwhelming. I felt as if I were living my experience through him. I didn't go to my prom which had been my choice but now looking back I wonder if I missed out on the experience.
Wednesday night was his graduation. I am so proud. I hope I don't sound like I'm bragging. He won 8 awards that evening. One for Chemistry. One for French. He had high honors. I don't even remember all the awards he won. He also had a few scholarships as well. He's going to the University of New Brunswick to pursue Science in the field of medicine. The thought that he may find a cure for some disease...oh wow. :) Anything is possible.
Friday morning was my niece and sister's graduation. Who would have thought that a mother and daughter would graduate together. My sister graduated with honors and she also was chosen for the principal's award. I was so proud and excited for her. She had some tough hurdles to cross over the year but she did it! God helped her. I know there were many tears shed, frustration felt but God saw fit to give her the strength to not only complete but also to thrive.
So three wonderful and important people in my life begin to embark on a journey of new things. I pray that this same stamina will be imparted to me to embark new things too.
I was very encouraged last night by watching the news. For whatever reason, I have been praying for a small community. I really don't have any connection to this community other than I had been there a few times as a teen. I always felt some sort of connection to this community. Anyways, last night I heard that a business is going to be expanding there.
You may wonder why I was encouraged by this. The reason is that I have been praying for this community and felt that there were businesses that were going to bring life back to this community. The last time I had been there, I felt this deep sadness. I felt like I had been transferred to a desert. God is wanting to take this community and bring it back to life. Not to just it's former glory but to a present glory. So this is exciting for me.
I have also been encouraged by talking to friends this week. I have talked to a friend I haven't seen in 25 years. She shared some of her story with me. We all have a story that needs to be shared. I am so glad she trusted me enough to share. :)
I also talked with a friend who has been having a bit of health issues. I've been praying for doors to open and close for him. I really believe it's going to happen.
My pastor encouraged me with an email concerning the way I had been handling background vocals at church. I don't have a soft voice...ha. I have so enjoyed singing background vocals. It is a bit different for me. I am used to just being completely spontaneous with singing where background vocals require me to be a bit more controlled....which isn't a bad thing. It's been a very positive experience.
So life is good. I don't know what's ahead. Maybe that's the beauty of it. I heard someone say once that it's not the destination but the journey that is beautiful. Maybe they're right.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Carbon Footprint People (Excerpt from a book I'm writing)
There are people who leave a carbon footprint on our lives. People of History: People of Faith (that's what Hebrews 11 is all about), People we meet only a few times, People we have long lasting friendships with. These footprints are important in our growth and wholeness.
Historical Figures who have left their carbon footprint on my life:
1) Corrie Ten Boom – I have read many of her books and they have left such an impression on my life. I credit these writings to be the reason I have such a deep love and longing for the European people. Her resilience through all that she faced in and through her life has inspired many people. Her simplicity of looking at life is an amazing thing. Her love for God is astounding even when she could have reason to be angry for all her losses. She wasn’t. She continually served God all the days of her life.
2) The Underground Church in Russia – Again, these people have left their mark on my life. The question always remains: Would I be able to withstand the persecution and love God still? These people stood their ground, met as often as they could and worship God. I would love to travel one day to Russia just to experience first hand the atmosphere these dear brethren lived. I know that Communism is no longer there however, the atmosphere is still charged with it.
People of Faith
1) Teachers of the College I attended and taught at have shown me what it means to believe God, love God, hear God speak and develop a relationship with Him. They taught by example. A dear pastor friend of mine by the name of Dale Lloyd has spoke into my life on many occasions. He shared his heart through his teaching and preaching. What he shared with the students still has an impact on my life to this day. I still remember some of the courses he taught on. He has heard God’s voice and spoke into my life prophetically. He is one of the few people who I have given permission to speak into my life.
Acquaintances:
There are some people who come into your life for a short period of time. It has been one of the most misunderstood things in my life. I have wanted to hold onto these people and their friendship for as long as I could. I’ve learned many great things from them but they were only meant to be mere acquaintances. It is best to enjoy their friendship for the time you have them and allow them to move on to their next reason for living.
One of the greatest experiences that I have had in the past few months have been becoming reconnected to people who I haven’t seen in 20-25 years. These people had such an impact on my life. They left a carbon footprint even though I have limited contact with them.
This is something we must understand and realize. Everyone that we come into contact with, no matter how limited, leaves an impact on their souls. I learned so much from these people. I learned to accept compliments. I learned to accept myself. I learned to be me.
I used to take it as rejection when people would leave. I would internalize it and think there was something wrong with me. It’s not that at all. It’s not about me. It’s not about them. It’s about what life is. Life is a cycle. People are in our lives for a reason in a season. I must learn to bless them, release them and allow them to go and leave their carbon footprint on the life of someone else. They’re carbon footprint is forever etched on my heart. Why would I not want them to go and leave their footprint on the heart of someone else?
Being reconnected to these great people has become one of the best things in my life. The friendship is sweet. I look forward to what lies ahead.
I have memories that are my treasures from these experiences. This is what life is all about. Memories. Life is made up of memories.
I look back:
People helped me with getting into music and singing. I grew from that into writing and singing songs that mean something to me and help people connect to their own experience.
People helped me by encouraging me to be who God intended me to be. They may not have always understood why I was doing what I was doing but they supported me.
People listened to me during dark hours in my life.
People supported my dream of traveling to Europe. I was able to go to Poland and leave my carbon footprint on their lives through ministry.
We are all called and anointed and appointed to leave our footprint on the lives of others. The theme of this whole book is that we are created for relationship. We all need each other, whether we be only mere acquaintances or joined-to-the-hip friends.
Historical Figures who have left their carbon footprint on my life:
1) Corrie Ten Boom – I have read many of her books and they have left such an impression on my life. I credit these writings to be the reason I have such a deep love and longing for the European people. Her resilience through all that she faced in and through her life has inspired many people. Her simplicity of looking at life is an amazing thing. Her love for God is astounding even when she could have reason to be angry for all her losses. She wasn’t. She continually served God all the days of her life.
2) The Underground Church in Russia – Again, these people have left their mark on my life. The question always remains: Would I be able to withstand the persecution and love God still? These people stood their ground, met as often as they could and worship God. I would love to travel one day to Russia just to experience first hand the atmosphere these dear brethren lived. I know that Communism is no longer there however, the atmosphere is still charged with it.
People of Faith
1) Teachers of the College I attended and taught at have shown me what it means to believe God, love God, hear God speak and develop a relationship with Him. They taught by example. A dear pastor friend of mine by the name of Dale Lloyd has spoke into my life on many occasions. He shared his heart through his teaching and preaching. What he shared with the students still has an impact on my life to this day. I still remember some of the courses he taught on. He has heard God’s voice and spoke into my life prophetically. He is one of the few people who I have given permission to speak into my life.
Acquaintances:
There are some people who come into your life for a short period of time. It has been one of the most misunderstood things in my life. I have wanted to hold onto these people and their friendship for as long as I could. I’ve learned many great things from them but they were only meant to be mere acquaintances. It is best to enjoy their friendship for the time you have them and allow them to move on to their next reason for living.
One of the greatest experiences that I have had in the past few months have been becoming reconnected to people who I haven’t seen in 20-25 years. These people had such an impact on my life. They left a carbon footprint even though I have limited contact with them.
This is something we must understand and realize. Everyone that we come into contact with, no matter how limited, leaves an impact on their souls. I learned so much from these people. I learned to accept compliments. I learned to accept myself. I learned to be me.
I used to take it as rejection when people would leave. I would internalize it and think there was something wrong with me. It’s not that at all. It’s not about me. It’s not about them. It’s about what life is. Life is a cycle. People are in our lives for a reason in a season. I must learn to bless them, release them and allow them to go and leave their carbon footprint on the life of someone else. They’re carbon footprint is forever etched on my heart. Why would I not want them to go and leave their footprint on the heart of someone else?
Being reconnected to these great people has become one of the best things in my life. The friendship is sweet. I look forward to what lies ahead.
I have memories that are my treasures from these experiences. This is what life is all about. Memories. Life is made up of memories.
I look back:
People helped me with getting into music and singing. I grew from that into writing and singing songs that mean something to me and help people connect to their own experience.
People helped me by encouraging me to be who God intended me to be. They may not have always understood why I was doing what I was doing but they supported me.
People listened to me during dark hours in my life.
People supported my dream of traveling to Europe. I was able to go to Poland and leave my carbon footprint on their lives through ministry.
We are all called and anointed and appointed to leave our footprint on the lives of others. The theme of this whole book is that we are created for relationship. We all need each other, whether we be only mere acquaintances or joined-to-the-hip friends.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Relay for Life 2011
I needed to spend some time thinking about what Relay for Life meant for me this year.
The first year was a time for me to deal with my loss and grief of a dear friend.
Last year was a time for me to deal with my fear and have a sense of hope renewed in my heart.
This year was a time for me to reflect on the journey of life. It hasn't been an easy road. But the road is what it is. No matter how tough things may be the greatest thing I know is that I have friends who stand with me, encourage me, pray with me, listen to me. That I wouldn't trade anything for.
The first year was a time for me to deal with my loss and grief of a dear friend.
Last year was a time for me to deal with my fear and have a sense of hope renewed in my heart.
This year was a time for me to reflect on the journey of life. It hasn't been an easy road. But the road is what it is. No matter how tough things may be the greatest thing I know is that I have friends who stand with me, encourage me, pray with me, listen to me. That I wouldn't trade anything for.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
My Birthday - It's Not Just Another Day.
Not too many may realize this about me so I'm going to take a little bit and share some of my heart in this blog. For as long as I can remember, I have suffered from seasonal depression. There are three months of the year that tend to be really difficult to handle. May is one of those months. I'm not sure as to why this is the case. Part of it may have to do with I'm usually alone. I don't make friends easily. I am a loner. I normally don't mind being alone but there are times when I want friendship desperately.
It's never good to be alone when you are depressed because the internal conversation tends to be severe and brutal.
I am very thankful to say that this past May hasn't been bad at all for depression. I believe it's because I have this understanding of friendship. I wasn't alone this past month.
However, the past few days of the month of June has been a bit depressing. I thought to myself, "Ugh, here we go. We must be making up for lost time."
I turn 35 today. I'm not married. I don't have children. Alot of people my age are married, have children and even some have grandchildren. It's not that I don't want to be married or have children because I do. I just haven't met the right person. If I were to dwell on this, it would be depressing.
I thought today was just going to be another day. I had an anniversary party to go to for an Aunt and Uncle. I saw alot of family and a few friends. That was nice. Thanks for encouraging me.
My Facebook page has had alot of Birthday Wishes on it.....friends from High School, friends from Maine, Georgia, Maryland, friends I know, friends I've never met. These messages have caused me to realize just how blessed I am. I am not alone. I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams.
I feel hopeful. Another year to share my life and thoughts with you. I hope to encourage and inspire you. :)
It's never good to be alone when you are depressed because the internal conversation tends to be severe and brutal.
I am very thankful to say that this past May hasn't been bad at all for depression. I believe it's because I have this understanding of friendship. I wasn't alone this past month.
However, the past few days of the month of June has been a bit depressing. I thought to myself, "Ugh, here we go. We must be making up for lost time."
I turn 35 today. I'm not married. I don't have children. Alot of people my age are married, have children and even some have grandchildren. It's not that I don't want to be married or have children because I do. I just haven't met the right person. If I were to dwell on this, it would be depressing.
I thought today was just going to be another day. I had an anniversary party to go to for an Aunt and Uncle. I saw alot of family and a few friends. That was nice. Thanks for encouraging me.
My Facebook page has had alot of Birthday Wishes on it.....friends from High School, friends from Maine, Georgia, Maryland, friends I know, friends I've never met. These messages have caused me to realize just how blessed I am. I am not alone. I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams.
I feel hopeful. Another year to share my life and thoughts with you. I hope to encourage and inspire you. :)
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Human Songs From A Faith Perspective
So I am preparing to sing for Relay For Life in my home community where I grew up. They had called and asked me to come back and sing. I am so pleased that they called me rather than having to call them and look like I'm begging to sing. I have never liked to ask to sing. It makes me look desperate. I remember telling my pastors in times past that if they wanted me to sing that they would have to ask me. I wasn't going to ask to sing. That's not to say I haven't asked to sing. But it is quite rare.
In this blog, I have shared the journey that my family have been on over the last two years. I have shared about writing songs about it. I have sung songs about the journey. Writing these songs have been very helpful in processing the journey.
I grew up singing in church, singing church songs, worship songs, Christian songs. I love singing these songs. They are important.
I write Christian songs.
However, these songs that I've been writing over the last two years aren't necessarily Christian songs per say. They aren't songs I probably could sing in a Church setting. Not that I'm ashamed of these songs. These songs are probably some of the most important songs I've ever written.
I would label these songs as such: Human Songs from a Faith Perspective.
Human Songs are songs about life. Real life. Pain, fear, joy, patience, healing, wonder. I feel that these songs have been (and I hope they continue to) a means for encouraging other people who identify with the emotions of life.
These songs use the word "Baby", "Darling", etc. These words make people uncomfortable (Christians). I remember the controversy back in 1991 when Amy Grant was using these words in her songs. Charlie Peacok's album "Love Life" was very controversial and banned from Christian Bookstores.
Yet these cds were simply expressing human feelings, emotions, realities.
Many artists don't want to be simply Christian Artists. I don't believe that they are ashamed of beings Christians. They simply want to express life from a Faith Perspective.
So these songs for Relay For Life are Human Songs. I won't apologize for singing Human Songs. I'm a Christian and not ashamed of that. Everyone knows I am. But I want to sing these two songs with passion, and faith. And maybe someone will hear these songs will identify themselves with them and leave this gathering with a better understanding of the strength they possess inside.
Love’s Whisper is Louder
You’ve come this far on the wings of grace
You couldn’t have made it without faith
I know you’re afraid of what lies ahead
I’m not here to tell you your fear is unfounded
Cause it’s not me walking down this road
And it would be easy to give the easy answer
It’s okay darling cause Faith is still faith
And you know love is love and that’s all we all need
Chorus:
I remember the day when a piece of my heart died
And I know yours was shattered with just a look
Fear has been a voice whispering in the background
Love’s whisper is louder and revives one piece at a time
You’ve come this far on the winds of mercy
You couldn’t have made it without faith
I know you’re afraid of the unknown
I’ll be the first to admit that I am too
But this one thing I know to be true
You’ve never been left alone to believe in tomorrow
It’s okay darling cause Faith is still faith
And you know love is still love and that’s all we need
There’s too much healing left in your hands
To not be given to an entire world
There’s too much love left in your heart
To keep to yourself, it’s not something you can do
Clayton A Stairs, February 13, 2011
Determination
Life hasn't been an easy one for you
For whatever reason that may be
Lot of mountains to climb
And valleys to trudge along through
I don't understand
I don't even pretend to
I'm just a spectator on the sidelines
Watching how you'll take this next turn
Chorus:
I must say you amaze me every time
I see determination in your eyes
They burn a hole in my heart
They make me wonder if I have that inside of me
You fight a war sometimes quietly
Sometimes with a vengeance
Where does your strength come from, Baby
Really I already know, I just want to hear it from your lips
Fight on Baby
Fight on
Courageous warrior
Fight on
Clayton A Stairs, May 17th, 2011
In this blog, I have shared the journey that my family have been on over the last two years. I have shared about writing songs about it. I have sung songs about the journey. Writing these songs have been very helpful in processing the journey.
I grew up singing in church, singing church songs, worship songs, Christian songs. I love singing these songs. They are important.
I write Christian songs.
However, these songs that I've been writing over the last two years aren't necessarily Christian songs per say. They aren't songs I probably could sing in a Church setting. Not that I'm ashamed of these songs. These songs are probably some of the most important songs I've ever written.
I would label these songs as such: Human Songs from a Faith Perspective.
Human Songs are songs about life. Real life. Pain, fear, joy, patience, healing, wonder. I feel that these songs have been (and I hope they continue to) a means for encouraging other people who identify with the emotions of life.
These songs use the word "Baby", "Darling", etc. These words make people uncomfortable (Christians). I remember the controversy back in 1991 when Amy Grant was using these words in her songs. Charlie Peacok's album "Love Life" was very controversial and banned from Christian Bookstores.
Yet these cds were simply expressing human feelings, emotions, realities.
Many artists don't want to be simply Christian Artists. I don't believe that they are ashamed of beings Christians. They simply want to express life from a Faith Perspective.
So these songs for Relay For Life are Human Songs. I won't apologize for singing Human Songs. I'm a Christian and not ashamed of that. Everyone knows I am. But I want to sing these two songs with passion, and faith. And maybe someone will hear these songs will identify themselves with them and leave this gathering with a better understanding of the strength they possess inside.
Love’s Whisper is Louder
You’ve come this far on the wings of grace
You couldn’t have made it without faith
I know you’re afraid of what lies ahead
I’m not here to tell you your fear is unfounded
Cause it’s not me walking down this road
And it would be easy to give the easy answer
It’s okay darling cause Faith is still faith
And you know love is love and that’s all we all need
Chorus:
I remember the day when a piece of my heart died
And I know yours was shattered with just a look
Fear has been a voice whispering in the background
Love’s whisper is louder and revives one piece at a time
You’ve come this far on the winds of mercy
You couldn’t have made it without faith
I know you’re afraid of the unknown
I’ll be the first to admit that I am too
But this one thing I know to be true
You’ve never been left alone to believe in tomorrow
It’s okay darling cause Faith is still faith
And you know love is still love and that’s all we need
There’s too much healing left in your hands
To not be given to an entire world
There’s too much love left in your heart
To keep to yourself, it’s not something you can do
Clayton A Stairs, February 13, 2011
Determination
Life hasn't been an easy one for you
For whatever reason that may be
Lot of mountains to climb
And valleys to trudge along through
I don't understand
I don't even pretend to
I'm just a spectator on the sidelines
Watching how you'll take this next turn
Chorus:
I must say you amaze me every time
I see determination in your eyes
They burn a hole in my heart
They make me wonder if I have that inside of me
You fight a war sometimes quietly
Sometimes with a vengeance
Where does your strength come from, Baby
Really I already know, I just want to hear it from your lips
Fight on Baby
Fight on
Courageous warrior
Fight on
Clayton A Stairs, May 17th, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Milestones, The Fear, & Love's Whisper
Today is a big day for my niece. She has her last spinal tap, her last chemo treatment. It has been a long two year journey for her and her family. If it seems long to me, her uncle, then it must seem twice as long for her.
There have been alot of highs and lows along the two year journey. Alot of questions have marked the journey. Alot of emotion both of success and frustration....fear and joy. Lots of prayer have been markers along the way.
There have been many friends and family who have prayed for her over the last two years. I could never repay you for your kind words of encouragement, your faith, your love and support. You have stood beside us and I am pray that I can stand by you in your time of need. I pray you never have to walk the road of cancer. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
Of course, now that we near the end of this journey, there is always that nagging fear in the back of one's mind. Some may not understand that. Some will say "Well, that's not faith!" Maybe it isn't but if they haven't been through something like this they have no idea of what the journey is like. Sometimes it's easier to give the pat religious answer rather than acknowledge what every human being faces from time to time in their lives.
One of the songs I plan to sing at Relay for Life is called "Love's Whisper is Louder". It deals with the thought of fear. Fear is there. We might as well acknowledge it. Thankfully though, Love's whisper is louder than the voice of fear. May love's whisper always be louder for you in your life.
There have been alot of highs and lows along the two year journey. Alot of questions have marked the journey. Alot of emotion both of success and frustration....fear and joy. Lots of prayer have been markers along the way.
There have been many friends and family who have prayed for her over the last two years. I could never repay you for your kind words of encouragement, your faith, your love and support. You have stood beside us and I am pray that I can stand by you in your time of need. I pray you never have to walk the road of cancer. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
Of course, now that we near the end of this journey, there is always that nagging fear in the back of one's mind. Some may not understand that. Some will say "Well, that's not faith!" Maybe it isn't but if they haven't been through something like this they have no idea of what the journey is like. Sometimes it's easier to give the pat religious answer rather than acknowledge what every human being faces from time to time in their lives.
One of the songs I plan to sing at Relay for Life is called "Love's Whisper is Louder". It deals with the thought of fear. Fear is there. We might as well acknowledge it. Thankfully though, Love's whisper is louder than the voice of fear. May love's whisper always be louder for you in your life.
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