Second-Hand Faith Vs First-Hand Faith

Faith is something that is absolutely important to me. I grew up in the church from the time of a 4 year old child. The question that I hear all the time is this: is your faith your own or was it taught? I think it actually is a bit of both. Yes, I grew up in Christianity. However at some point, my faith developed beyond what I was taught. It went from being my mother's faith to becoming something so much more personal and real. It became my own.

I take my faith personally. I don't have a second hand faith. Yes, it was passed down to some degree however this faith is my own. Faith comes by hearing and I do appreciate the stories of the healings, miracles, signs and wonders. They are used to help enhance my faith. However I want to experience faith.. I want to experience the miracles, signs and wonders. I have experienced healing in my life.

I can't hold onto people's coat strings in this experience. I must know God for myself. I must see Him for Who He is. I must understand that He wants to show me His ways. I've grown in my faith over the years. I've had my faith on the sidelines as well. Not that I ever stopped believing. There have been times where I've checked out of living for a while. Yet I always seem to come back to what really matters... faith. I learn what faith is in the darkness. I learn how strong I am through the valleys. I learn what faith truly means when I consider my relationship with God.

second-hand
• adjective & adverb 1 (of goods) having had a previous owner; not new. 2 accepted on another’s authority and not from original investigation.
— PHRASES at second hand by hearsay rather than direct observation or experience.second-hand

Faith requires a direct personal connection. It requires observation. My faith is more than hearsay. It's more than just nice little Bible Stories I grew up with as a child. My faith is built on nothing less than the experience I received throughout my spiritual journey.

No, my faith is nothing new. Its been new to me. But it's something I can't impart to anyone. I can encourage people in their journey of faith. Faith must become original to me. It has to become original to you.

Here's a thought: maybe faith starts out second-hand. Then it moves on from there to becoming a deep personal spiritual experience. Have a first-hand encounter with the One who loves you. Have a first-hand encounter with faith. Have a first-hand account of how Love won you over.

When My Heart is Overwhelmed - Lead Me to the Rock

I think of an old song we used to sing at my church I attended when I was a kid...

Hear my cry O Lord
attend unto my prayer
From the end of the earth
will I cry out to Thee.
When my heart is overwhelmed
Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I
That is higher than I.

"When my heart is overwhelmed"... have you been there? Have you ever felt as if the tunnel light is getting so dim the further you go? Have you ever wondered how come things happen the way they do?

I know the Christian response: you're not supposed to let your feelings get the best of you. As true as that may seem, as a human being in the trial of life, feelings do get the best of us. I don't need anyone to condemn me for that. They say feeling is not faith...no...but God created man to feel. To feel is to know you're still alive.

When my heart is overwhelmed....there is an ache in that statement....

So if King David were alive today, would we give him the "Christian" response.... don't feel? I don't think so...

Or how about Elijah?

Or what about Mary, as she watched her Son die a death He didn't deserve?

King David knew all about heartache, pain, despair, and fear. He didn't try and hide it. He didn't lie about it like most Christians do...

"Oh I'm not sick." Stop the lies. Jesus doesn't like it.

"Oh I'm not afraid." Then why are your knees knocking sounding like percussion instruments?

"Oh I'm not in pain." Then why is it that your face whinces every time you take a step?

See the reality is this: we all feel. There's nothing wrong with feeling. Feeling is part of the human experience. Jesus never condemned people for feeling. Feeling is not a sign you doubt. Feeling is the essence of your being reaching out saying, "God, I feel this! It hurts!"

Life does hurt....trust me.. I know. I have a grandmother, and uncle and a niece in the hospital right now. Hurt? Oh yeah, I'm there. I ache. I cry. I wonder why. I pray....the best way I know how. Overwhelmed? Yup...I could teach a course called "Overwhelmed 101".

David was a rejected kid, a rejected man who killed giants, a friend who fought till the end. He was a man who had some definite character flaws, stole a man's wife, killed the man in war, messed up big time. Lost his best friend, was chased and in war with many nations. He hid in caves. I think David knew a thing or two about being overwhelmed.

Yet, his prayer was... when my heart is overwhelmed.... Lead me.

What does that mean? Lead me... he couldn't do it alone. He had Someone there to draw him close.

Lead me to the Rock.

Where? The Rock ... that which is firm, solid and a strong foundation. That's exactly where we need to be.

Lead me to the Rock that is Higher than I. - This means we can't rely on our own strength. Remember we're overwhelmed! There is no strength in overwhelmed. We rely on those things which cannot and will not change.

Psalm 61
To the Chief Musician. On a stringed instrument.[a]A Psalm of David. 1 Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer. 2 From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 3 For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy.

The Journey

No matter how much you realize that things are simply part of the journey, you can't help but wish that the journey looked different. You wish that things were easier, a straight and narrow path without the twists and turns, hills and valleys. Yet the hills and the valleys help define who we are.

Sometimes the journey is a lonely one. No matter how many people tell you they support you (that's really wonderful to hear), truly it's a journey you have to walk alone. The one thing we realize through these dark seasons is that we are truly not alone. God is with us. God is as faithful as He ever has been.

The journey of life is paved with lots of sweat and tears. Our tears water the seed that has been planted. The most important thing to remember is that we must not lose heart. This whole things started with the heart and it will end with the heart. God has always been concerned about the heart of man.

We have no control as to what the journey brings our way. Sometimes circumstances are the mallet that is used to chisel away our rough edges to create the most attractive and beautiful piece of pottery.

So I'm looking for a miracle, believing for a miracle, seeking the face of God for His Divine Prophetic Mandate for my life. I am trusting His lead. I am trying not to get the cart before the horse...or better yet.... I'm trying not to get myself in the lead position ahead of God.

In the end of this whole picture, my love for God never waivers. I still love God even though loss has been very evident in the last two years. I still love God even though my niece faces a battle of her own. I still love God through my journey of sickness. The bottom line is this: I still love God.

Clay -- the "non" entertainer.

So I'm not an entertainer. I knew that. I've known that for a long time now. It's not who I am. I sing serious songs...heart songs... prayer songs...life songs. Maybe I sing to help keep me grounded. Maybe I sing for no other reason than to keep my heart in check.

I left tonight from where I was with this deep sense... I'm not an entertainer. I never will be. I was never meant to be.

As a kid I always dreamed of singing in front of crowded stadiums... crowds now scare me. Even if the crowd is only 30 people...because I'm not an entertainer. I can't just sing a song for the sake of it.

I sang an acapella song tonight... started it too high... Busted a lung (literally) and just knew that I wasn't meant to entertain.

So what am I to do? I sing songs...whiptydo! I want to do more than sing songs. I want to sing something meaningful. I want to worship. I want to connect. I want to minister. People don't understand that.... they're not meant to.

So I've come to this resolve. Next Saturday rather than try and hide from what I know I want to do, why don't I just do what I'm comfortable with. Sing. Worship. Be myself. Rather than find songs that are a bit ambiguous, sing from my heart what I know pleases God. When it pleases God, I know I've done what I was to do.

So tomorrow when I go to the Salvation Army church to sing...I will be caught up in worship and awe of the One who loves me beyond what I could ever dream or imagine.

It's not about how high of a note I can sing or how long I can hold the note for. Tonight I couldn't hold a note for a very long time. Who cares. That's not what it's all about anyway. It's about the heart. I left knowing that I pleased God. I left knowing somehow He was holding me. I love that song Mr Rich Mullins... Hold Me Jesus....what a thought.

It's not about losing confidence in singing because I haven't. My voice has changed yet again. It's deeper. It's more of a folk music nature. I'm okay with that.

I remember what Sara Groves said in an interview once. She came to the place in her life that she realized she would be doing music whether or not people were listening. Maybe that's how I feel.

A Love Issue

This whole existence of life is all about a love issue. Look at the characters in the Bible..and what characters they were. They were liars, thieves, crooks, deceivers...and yet they were simply the ones God used to impact the world.

A love issue: This whole thing started out from the base of love. Creation came from Love. We see throughout the story that Love is the underlying focus. The Garden of Eden was a place of delight... of Love..of relationship. The fall of man caused a major gap in thinking. It caused us to walk away from our True Love. Then we strived to return to what we were familiar with. We were like little children trying to get the attention of their father. We jump around, scream, hollar, throw a temper tantrum... we laugh, crack jokes...all for one simple glance from our Creator.

The reality is that we have a restored relationship with our Father. We already have His attention. Christianity is not based on competitions, games, and such. It is simply based on Love. No longer do I strive for His Attention.

Many times we are like the son, who when his prodigal brother returns home, get upset when the Father throws a party for him in honor of his return. What the son didn't realize then was that all that his Father had was his. The son had a love issue.

We're just like him. We get caught up in the politics of life that we forget that we don't need to strive any longer. The price has been paid.

So this is what I know today:
- I am a son who has the attention and heart of God at my disposal and am walking in the sonship that has been given to me by God. He loves me. There is no doubt about that. I am forever in the care of His Watchful eye.

Love is not based on outward things...what we think others should do, what they should say, what they should think. Love is based on inward things. Love is spiritual and when love is spiritual it will have an outward effect on every aspect of our lives. However we must realize first and foremost that Love is spiritual. Love is Spirit. We are spirit. We were created to love. We were created to be like our Creator.

If we were truly filled with the Love of God that He gives us abundantly, we would have no problem with what others truly thought of us because Love overlooks and covers. Love should become our covering. Love should be our canopy. Love heals the broken. Love takes care of one another...not just in word but in deed. Love is our strength. Love is what gets us through the valley of the shadow of death. Love is what should define us. When people look up the word love in the dictionary, people should see our picture along side of the picture of God.

Love is the root to all life. It is what hinges this whole thing together. We will all have our own way of thinking...this isn't to say we will all look alike, sound alike, but the underlying thing will remain...love exists. People should be able to look at us and KNOW that love truly does exist.

That's what it means when you read: They will know we are Christians by our love for one another.

When Things Are out of my Control...It be best to not Lose Control.

Do you ever have one of those days when things that are out of your control simply get out of control? It's funny how those things which are beyond our control tend to put us out of control with frustration, anxiety and such. It's easy to forget to remain in peace.

How easily I forget... that I almost didn't make it back in February. Yet when the hour keeps getting later on the clock, the more frustrated I seemed to get. It's out of my hands. If it were in my hands...hmmm... my, how things would look different.

But that's just it... it's not in my hand. So rather than be frustrated at the people who don't have the control of things either, I might as well count to 10, take a deep breath, grit the teeth if I have to and say a prayer, "Lord, You've got to help me here."

One never knows how much they are a control freak until they are out of control. I don't like being frustrated but yet I still fly off the handle sometimes. I say things I shouldn't say. I act in ways that I know I shouldn't act. I want to cry, scream kick, yell. Who is that hurting? Myself.

I must remember that getting frustrated isn't going to help me in the health department. Getting stressed isn't going to make my life any easier. As much as I want a change, it hasn't happened yet. That doesn't mean I give up looking. It does mean that I need to find a content place.

Life is too short to get upset over everything.

I remember hearing God say to my heart a while ago, "You may feel like you've let go but I haven't let go of you." That is so reassuring cause I know many a time we give Him plenty of reasons to want to let go. That's the power of grace in a nutshell.

So today, I take off my crown, and lay it down. I trust the One who loves me more than I deserve. I relinquish control.

Maybe this is my well experience.