Let the season change in the hand of God. Let the faults underneath the earth shake and move like an earthquake. For the season has shifted and there is an anticipation for what stands before the people of God. Shall the shaking continue? Yes. Shall things be moved? Yes. But those who have been shaken in 2009 have been put through the fire. Those who have been broken but not destroyed in 2009 will be positioned in the right place at the right moment in time. I will raise them up to be the encouragers of 2010. I will pour My compassion upon them. I will anoint them to be the ones to lead and to help and to serve and to love. I will cause My words to flow through them at the right times. They will be the ones to pray for those who have been the ones to pray for them. I will create a deeper sense of communion and community. Don't shy away from that. Step up my bruised ones. Step up. Offer yourselves on the altar. Risk for My sake. Love for My sake. Minister for My sake. Lead for My sake.
The strength you now feel on the inside is My strength within you. My strength shall cause you to go and do unusual things for My sake. Pray. I call My people in this hour to Pray. 2010 is a year of prayer....hear the sounds of prayer through the earth. Hear the sounds of prayer in the heavens. Let Me guide you in your prayers. Obey. Love. Believe.
December 30, 2009 - What I heard in my spirit at 4:25pm.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
2009 - I'm Full of Thanksgiving
2009 is nearing a close. As I told a friend of mine, Christmas this year wasn't Christmas, it's thanksgiving. I want to take a few moments with this blog to do just that:
1) To all those who interceded, prayed for, took my name to the Heavens, when I was so sick....When I needed a family, you were there.
2) To all the nurses and doctors who gave their all to make sure I was on the mend....
3) To all who came to visit me while I was in the Hospital, loved on me, encouraged me....
4) To all those who interceded, prayed for, took my niece and my family's names to the Heavens, when we all were heart broken with her diagnosis....
5) To all those who let me vent, cry, express my frustration, my fear, my anxiety....
6) To all those who gave me the opportunity to sing, share my heart, and teach....I'm thinking of the Relay for Life, The Salvation Army, the Benefits....
7) To all those who helped me musically....I think of putting to music "A Piece of You Alive In Me" ..... a song I wrote for my late friend, Sandie Martin. I also am thinking of the latest song "Warring Heart (Baby's A Fighter)".... thanks Derek :)
8) To those who have been there as a listening ear...not always giving the pat answer... we all need to have friends like that....
9) To those who I've met and have become acquainted with over the last few months and weeks.... thank you for understanding...that even if I've been loud and obnoxious....you've allowed me to do that...even though sometimes that loudness and obnoxiousness has been a coverup for the hurt that I have felt...
10) To those who I've met and have become acquainted with over the last few months and weeks.... I hope to be in position when you may need a listening ear, an encouraging word, a sincere heart, a prayer (not a religious one...but a spiritual one....yes, there is a huge difference). I've been praying for you for some time now and I pray that if you need someone to talk to at some point that I will be out and about, sitting at my desk at work, out for a walk, that you feel comfortable enough to come. You don't know how much I've needed your friendship... thanks for letting me share my experience. I hope to write a new chapter in 2010.
Thank you....from my heart.
My prayer is that 2010 be a year that God's blessing be on us all.
I look forward to the next step in the journey.
1) To all those who interceded, prayed for, took my name to the Heavens, when I was so sick....When I needed a family, you were there.
2) To all the nurses and doctors who gave their all to make sure I was on the mend....
3) To all who came to visit me while I was in the Hospital, loved on me, encouraged me....
4) To all those who interceded, prayed for, took my niece and my family's names to the Heavens, when we all were heart broken with her diagnosis....
5) To all those who let me vent, cry, express my frustration, my fear, my anxiety....
6) To all those who gave me the opportunity to sing, share my heart, and teach....I'm thinking of the Relay for Life, The Salvation Army, the Benefits....
7) To all those who helped me musically....I think of putting to music "A Piece of You Alive In Me" ..... a song I wrote for my late friend, Sandie Martin. I also am thinking of the latest song "Warring Heart (Baby's A Fighter)".... thanks Derek :)
8) To those who have been there as a listening ear...not always giving the pat answer... we all need to have friends like that....
9) To those who I've met and have become acquainted with over the last few months and weeks.... thank you for understanding...that even if I've been loud and obnoxious....you've allowed me to do that...even though sometimes that loudness and obnoxiousness has been a coverup for the hurt that I have felt...
10) To those who I've met and have become acquainted with over the last few months and weeks.... I hope to be in position when you may need a listening ear, an encouraging word, a sincere heart, a prayer (not a religious one...but a spiritual one....yes, there is a huge difference). I've been praying for you for some time now and I pray that if you need someone to talk to at some point that I will be out and about, sitting at my desk at work, out for a walk, that you feel comfortable enough to come. You don't know how much I've needed your friendship... thanks for letting me share my experience. I hope to write a new chapter in 2010.
Thank you....from my heart.
My prayer is that 2010 be a year that God's blessing be on us all.
I look forward to the next step in the journey.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Being Who We Are... Alive in the Spirit World
I've been thinking about the Spirit world. It's something that has always intrigued me and caused me to wonder. The first thing is that it is truly the real world. We came from Spirit. Our body is simply what houses our spirit. We have the same Spirit that is God dwelling on the inside.
Spirit is the atmosphere in which we live and move and have our being. It is the way we communicate with God, with angels, and with others. Prayer is a powerful way to have an effect on things beyond what we see.
The reason we were created was for Spirit - to - spirit communication.
We are spiritual people having a human experience.
Spirit is breath. It is Word. God is word. We are word. We are spirit. God is Spirit. God is love. We are love. As He is so are we.
Jesus told the woman at the well what Spirit was. It was truth...reality.
Everyone is spiritual whether or not they are practicing. No one is exempt from being who they are. Spirit is who you are. It's the real you.
Jesus' whole life was about infusing man with the revelation and knowledge of who he truly was. Man has always been spirit. Man is spirit. Man will forever be spirit. When we realize that this is truly who we are and we embrace that part of ourselves we will come into a much richer, deeper experience. Life will have more meaning. Spirit is the end all. As long as I keep looking outside of myself for fulfillment I will be gravely disappointed. Spirit within... will be .... spirit without.
When I realize the importance of Spirit within I will find myself connected to my Source. That's what we all long for.
I know that the last couple of weeks have been very interesting in the sense that there is a lot of activity in the prayer world. This is wonderful. It's full of risk. It's full of life. I find that the Spirit world is constantly communicating but so many times we aren't paying attention. When we pay attention and act upon that we will find ourselves more effective in our prayer lives. Take the risk because you just may never know how effective you've been to impact the behind the scenes activity of the Spirit World.
Spirit is the atmosphere in which we live and move and have our being. It is the way we communicate with God, with angels, and with others. Prayer is a powerful way to have an effect on things beyond what we see.
The reason we were created was for Spirit - to - spirit communication.
We are spiritual people having a human experience.
Spirit is breath. It is Word. God is word. We are word. We are spirit. God is Spirit. God is love. We are love. As He is so are we.
Jesus told the woman at the well what Spirit was. It was truth...reality.
Everyone is spiritual whether or not they are practicing. No one is exempt from being who they are. Spirit is who you are. It's the real you.
Jesus' whole life was about infusing man with the revelation and knowledge of who he truly was. Man has always been spirit. Man is spirit. Man will forever be spirit. When we realize that this is truly who we are and we embrace that part of ourselves we will come into a much richer, deeper experience. Life will have more meaning. Spirit is the end all. As long as I keep looking outside of myself for fulfillment I will be gravely disappointed. Spirit within... will be .... spirit without.
When I realize the importance of Spirit within I will find myself connected to my Source. That's what we all long for.
I know that the last couple of weeks have been very interesting in the sense that there is a lot of activity in the prayer world. This is wonderful. It's full of risk. It's full of life. I find that the Spirit world is constantly communicating but so many times we aren't paying attention. When we pay attention and act upon that we will find ourselves more effective in our prayer lives. Take the risk because you just may never know how effective you've been to impact the behind the scenes activity of the Spirit World.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Season of Intercession and the Art of Laughter
It's been an interesting couple of weeks where prayer has been the central focus. Prayer should always be the central focus however this is a different kind of prayer. I feel this intercession deep in the bones of my spirit. It seems as if this hasn't happened in a very long time. I feel that there is a season for us to enter into: yes, it's a season of rest and trust, however it's also a time of risk. Take the risk and intercede. Take the time to take people and situations to the presence of God. Catch and release. You have no idea how important this intercession may be. There is things that are happening beyond what we can see. Intercession simply is taking care of business in the Spirit World...the real world.
This natural world that we live in and breath in is in truth not the reality of a spiritual man. The real world for a spiritual man is where we first originated from. We came from Spirit, we live in Spirit and we will return to Spirit once this life is through.
If you are finding yourself in a season of intercession, I encourage you to go in that direction. Allow the Spirit world to lead you in your prayer.
Another thought that I have right now is that we don't have to take ourselves so seriously. I've been learning the importance of laughing. I love to laugh. Those who know me know how much I love to laugh. I tend to be a bit loud. I'm a different person today that I was 15 years ago. I struggled with who I was. I didn't really know who I was supposed to be. I took myself way too seriously. Then I'd try to be funny and when you try too hard then you realize that that you're striving too hard to make people like you.
Laughter is as good as medicine. Lord knows I need some medicine. So to those that have helped me in the process of not taking myself too seriously...thank you for teaching me.
This natural world that we live in and breath in is in truth not the reality of a spiritual man. The real world for a spiritual man is where we first originated from. We came from Spirit, we live in Spirit and we will return to Spirit once this life is through.
If you are finding yourself in a season of intercession, I encourage you to go in that direction. Allow the Spirit world to lead you in your prayer.
Another thought that I have right now is that we don't have to take ourselves so seriously. I've been learning the importance of laughing. I love to laugh. Those who know me know how much I love to laugh. I tend to be a bit loud. I'm a different person today that I was 15 years ago. I struggled with who I was. I didn't really know who I was supposed to be. I took myself way too seriously. Then I'd try to be funny and when you try too hard then you realize that that you're striving too hard to make people like you.
Laughter is as good as medicine. Lord knows I need some medicine. So to those that have helped me in the process of not taking myself too seriously...thank you for teaching me.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Favor....It's Not What We've Made It Out To Be
Favor:
Favor is not always having things go your way but it is walking with grace knowing you're doing the best quality and quantity you can and knowing you're being noticed.
favor.... thinking about it... it's not what we've made it out to be :S.... now that's a deep thought if one will take a moment and think about it...
Favor
1 a (1) : friendly regard shown toward another especially by a superior (2) : approving consideration or attention : approbation b : partiality c archaic : leniency d archaic : permission e : popularity2 archaic a : appearance b (1) : face (2) : a facial feature3 a : gracious kindness; also : an act of such kindness b archaic : aid, assistance c plural : effort in one's behalf or interest : attention4 a : a token of love (as a ribbon) usually worn conspicuously b : a small gift or decorative item given out at a party c : badge5 a : a special privilege or right granted or conceded b : sexual privileges —usually used in plural6 archaic : letter7 : behalf, interest
Favor (Transitive Verb)
1 a : to regard or treat with favor b (1) : to do a kindness for : oblige (2) : endow c : to treat gently or carefully2 : to show partiality toward : prefer3 a : to give support or confirmation to : sustain b : to afford advantages for success to : facilitate 4 : to bear a resemblance to
Favor is something that we must understand within context. I think it is so easy to become self-absorbed within ourselves that it tends to filter into our spiritual walk. Favor is not always having everything fall into place. As long as I keep that as my measuring stick, I am simply opening myself up for grave disappointment.
Remember, God’s ways aren’t our ways. God’s ways are higher than our ways. His Thoughts are higher than our thoughts. Favor is when I can gracefully intertwine my thoughts with His thoughts and allow His thoughts to take precident.
What good parent would give their child everything that they wanted? Do we not call this spoiling the child? God isn’t into spoiling His children. He is into providing for His children the very things that are necessary for them to fulfill His Divine Purpose.
He faciliates His own purpose with the equipment that is needed to fulfill it. He knows what is best for us. He’s interested in sustaining His purpose. God is more concerned about His purpose being fulfilled deep within us than He is with our happiness. He knows how fleeting the emotion of happiness is. It comes…It goes…. As quick as it comes.
He’s partial to what He places within us.
He’s concerned with the movement of the purpose in our lives…the progressiveness of His purpose.
Think of the parable Jesus told his disciples about the man giving out talents. He gave one man 10 talents, another 5 talents and another 1 talent.
The one with 10 talents went out and risked all and doubled his talents to 10.
The one with 5 talents went out and doubled his talents.
The one with 1 talent hid it because of his fear. His fear took over and caused him to step out of trust and rest. He wasn’t willing to risk all to sow what he had been given.
The man who gave the talents were concerned with what was done with these gifts. He expected a risk to be taken. Risk will lead you to favor. Fear will lead you to a place where you aren’t able to move forward. You’re stuck at a dead end.
Don’t let your fear keep you from the place you know is available for you.
Favor is not always having things go your way but it is walking with grace knowing you're doing the best quality and quantity you can and knowing you're being noticed.
favor.... thinking about it... it's not what we've made it out to be :S.... now that's a deep thought if one will take a moment and think about it...
Favor
1 a (1) : friendly regard shown toward another especially by a superior (2) : approving consideration or attention : approbation b : partiality c archaic : leniency d archaic : permission e : popularity2 archaic a : appearance b (1) : face (2) : a facial feature3 a : gracious kindness; also : an act of such kindness
Favor (Transitive Verb)
1 a : to regard or treat with favor b (1) : to do a kindness for : oblige (2) : endow c : to treat gently or carefully
Favor is something that we must understand within context. I think it is so easy to become self-absorbed within ourselves that it tends to filter into our spiritual walk. Favor is not always having everything fall into place. As long as I keep that as my measuring stick, I am simply opening myself up for grave disappointment.
Remember, God’s ways aren’t our ways. God’s ways are higher than our ways. His Thoughts are higher than our thoughts. Favor is when I can gracefully intertwine my thoughts with His thoughts and allow His thoughts to take precident.
What good parent would give their child everything that they wanted? Do we not call this spoiling the child? God isn’t into spoiling His children. He is into providing for His children the very things that are necessary for them to fulfill His Divine Purpose.
He faciliates His own purpose with the equipment that is needed to fulfill it. He knows what is best for us. He’s interested in sustaining His purpose. God is more concerned about His purpose being fulfilled deep within us than He is with our happiness. He knows how fleeting the emotion of happiness is. It comes…It goes…. As quick as it comes.
He’s partial to what He places within us.
He’s concerned with the movement of the purpose in our lives…the progressiveness of His purpose.
Think of the parable Jesus told his disciples about the man giving out talents. He gave one man 10 talents, another 5 talents and another 1 talent.
The one with 10 talents went out and risked all and doubled his talents to 10.
The one with 5 talents went out and doubled his talents.
The one with 1 talent hid it because of his fear. His fear took over and caused him to step out of trust and rest. He wasn’t willing to risk all to sow what he had been given.
The man who gave the talents were concerned with what was done with these gifts. He expected a risk to be taken. Risk will lead you to favor. Fear will lead you to a place where you aren’t able to move forward. You’re stuck at a dead end.
Don’t let your fear keep you from the place you know is available for you.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Resting, Trusting, Risking
I'm reading a book by Mark Buchanan called "The Holy Wild". I always wanted to get my hands on this book but never did...until this past weekend. Man, it came at the right time. It's sparked some amazing thoughts within me. And I'm only on chapter two. I want to take this opportunity with this blog to express some of those thoughts:
There are seasons where the questioning seems to overwhelm. People don’t understand your restful position. They don’t understand your trust. It’s not their intention however their words are like daggers wanting to pierce through you and cause you to question your own trusting factor in the One who you love. People do mean well. But they’re not the ones who are found in the midst of a season of change. They’re not the ones facing decisions beyond their understanding. They’re not the ones who are facing intimidating Giants that are defying them.
I get frustrated with people who do these things. I get more frustrated with myself when I do these things. The pat answer isn’t going to do in a season of change. The religious cliches and jargon leave much to be desired.
People need a safe place sometimes to just let our their frustrations and anxieties without the feeling of being reprimanded or judged for feeling these things. People need to understand that humans need to vent sometimes. Get it out on the table. There’s nothing wrong with venting. Sure it should be in a controlled environment. One must be careful with whom they vent to. Are you in community with them? Are they in covenant with you?
If trust is shaken then it’s difficult to take the risk because you’ve lost your restful position. Maybe you haven’t lost your restful position. Maybe you just have stepped out of your restful position for a moment.
It’s too easy to stay where you are at. There is no risk in that. There is real no trusting there. You stay in the same place you’ve always been. You may find yourself stagnet, frustrated, wondering why things aren’t changing in your life.
You can’t wear someone else’s armour. You can’t wear their opinion on you. It’s not that you don’t respect them. It’s only going to weight you down. It’s going to be harder to take the risk.
Isn’t this life made up of risks? It’s supposed to be that way. God designed it that way. Giants don’t fall through insecurity. They fall with confidence in God. Trust. Courage in God.
Beyond reason. Beyond all that. Giants don’t fall by one smooth stone. But that’s the beauty of this. They fall because God is the one behind the stone.
Trust deals with relationship. But it’s more than that. I have many relationships however I may not have intimacy in those relationships. This is where trust comes into view. Trust deals with the intimate.
Trust is found in community. If trust is found in community then it is the very foundation of covenant.
In the natural, one of the main reasons for a breakdown in relationship is due to the lack of trust.
Trust can also make the relationship a truly great and wonderful experience.
I went for a walk today and this thought came to me: There is a difference between a dead end and a crossroad: a dead end: the only way out is to go backward. A crossroad is simply this: the world is at my fingertips. Wow.... that was an inspiring walk.
I've felt like I've been at a dead end for some time now. No room for progression. Stuck. It's the worst feeling in the world. However I realize that the world is at my fingertips. And that excites me.
So: let's wrap this up: When I'm in a position of rest in God, I am trusting God. When I trust God, then I'm willing to take a risk.
There are seasons where the questioning seems to overwhelm. People don’t understand your restful position. They don’t understand your trust. It’s not their intention however their words are like daggers wanting to pierce through you and cause you to question your own trusting factor in the One who you love. People do mean well. But they’re not the ones who are found in the midst of a season of change. They’re not the ones facing decisions beyond their understanding. They’re not the ones who are facing intimidating Giants that are defying them.
I get frustrated with people who do these things. I get more frustrated with myself when I do these things. The pat answer isn’t going to do in a season of change. The religious cliches and jargon leave much to be desired.
People need a safe place sometimes to just let our their frustrations and anxieties without the feeling of being reprimanded or judged for feeling these things. People need to understand that humans need to vent sometimes. Get it out on the table. There’s nothing wrong with venting. Sure it should be in a controlled environment. One must be careful with whom they vent to. Are you in community with them? Are they in covenant with you?
If trust is shaken then it’s difficult to take the risk because you’ve lost your restful position. Maybe you haven’t lost your restful position. Maybe you just have stepped out of your restful position for a moment.
It’s too easy to stay where you are at. There is no risk in that. There is real no trusting there. You stay in the same place you’ve always been. You may find yourself stagnet, frustrated, wondering why things aren’t changing in your life.
You can’t wear someone else’s armour. You can’t wear their opinion on you. It’s not that you don’t respect them. It’s only going to weight you down. It’s going to be harder to take the risk.
Isn’t this life made up of risks? It’s supposed to be that way. God designed it that way. Giants don’t fall through insecurity. They fall with confidence in God. Trust. Courage in God.
Beyond reason. Beyond all that. Giants don’t fall by one smooth stone. But that’s the beauty of this. They fall because God is the one behind the stone.
Trust deals with relationship. But it’s more than that. I have many relationships however I may not have intimacy in those relationships. This is where trust comes into view. Trust deals with the intimate.
Trust is found in community. If trust is found in community then it is the very foundation of covenant.
In the natural, one of the main reasons for a breakdown in relationship is due to the lack of trust.
Trust can also make the relationship a truly great and wonderful experience.
I went for a walk today and this thought came to me: There is a difference between a dead end and a crossroad: a dead end: the only way out is to go backward. A crossroad is simply this: the world is at my fingertips. Wow.... that was an inspiring walk.
I've felt like I've been at a dead end for some time now. No room for progression. Stuck. It's the worst feeling in the world. However I realize that the world is at my fingertips. And that excites me.
So: let's wrap this up: When I'm in a position of rest in God, I am trusting God. When I trust God, then I'm willing to take a risk.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Laughter - Good Like Medicine
Laughter.... what a gift. Truly it is. Laughter is definitely good medicine. I needed that tonight. November tends to be a difficult month for me in the emotional realm. I tend to feel more depressed. A good belly laugh does wonders. Even for a moment, laughter can make you forget the pain of circumstance. Maybe no one else is laughing. Maybe you're making yourself look like a fool. But as long as it makes you feel better who cares, right?
Sometimes laughter can be a coverup. I've been there. I've tried to cover up my hurt and pain by trying to be funny. Alot of times it doesn't work. It only caused more pain.
So those who had me in stitches last night, thank you. You have no idea how you much you helped me. Maybe someday I'll be able to help you someday.
Sometimes laughter can be a coverup. I've been there. I've tried to cover up my hurt and pain by trying to be funny. Alot of times it doesn't work. It only caused more pain.
So those who had me in stitches last night, thank you. You have no idea how you much you helped me. Maybe someday I'll be able to help you someday.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Tired of Wrestling with the Angel Yet?
I'm back to the wrestling with the Angel idea. For the first time, I think I see something about Jacob that I've never thought of before. At the point where Jacob was wrestling with the Angel, he came to the point in his life where he had to admit to himself who he really was. He didn't need to tell the Angel any of this. The Angel already knew who Jacob had been.
Jacob is face to face with his identity. I've known this. What I don't think I've considered before is that I think Jacob was tired. I think he was weary. Sure he had devised yet another plan of escape from his brother that he had wronged....however....during the night season of his very soul, he grew weary. He was tired of wrestling with his very own soul.
This is what I hear Jacob saying: I AM JACOB! I AM TIRED OF BEING A DECEIVER. I'M TIRED OF BEING A THIEF. I'M TIRED OF BEING THE BAD GUY!!
I think I'm catching something here. Change can't truly take place until I come to the reality of who I have been. Change can't come until I get to the point of weariness. I'm weary of being an idol worshiper. What does that mean? Idols can be money, houses, nice cars, sex, co-dependant relationships. Anything that takes that number one spot from the True Conceptual God. My Lord. My Savior.
Are you tired yet? Are you tired from wrestling with your demons so to speak? If you're tired, lay down. Lay down your pride. Lay down who you are to discover who He's making you to be.
Jacob found himself one evening under the stars with a rock for a pillow. It was an uncomfortable place. I think we're all there... in this uncomfortable place. A rock has become our pillow. Yet Jacob had a dream of angels ascending and decending on a ladder to the heavens. Jacob awoke and made this statement: GOD WAS HERE AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT!
In our place of being uncomfortable, we are in a place of great change. God is there and we're soon going to know it.
So I guess today my main thought is this: In this uncomfortable place we find ourselves in, we are ripe for change and we're going to come face to face with who we are and who He is making deep within us.
Jacob is face to face with his identity. I've known this. What I don't think I've considered before is that I think Jacob was tired. I think he was weary. Sure he had devised yet another plan of escape from his brother that he had wronged....however....during the night season of his very soul, he grew weary. He was tired of wrestling with his very own soul.
This is what I hear Jacob saying: I AM JACOB! I AM TIRED OF BEING A DECEIVER. I'M TIRED OF BEING A THIEF. I'M TIRED OF BEING THE BAD GUY!!
I think I'm catching something here. Change can't truly take place until I come to the reality of who I have been. Change can't come until I get to the point of weariness. I'm weary of being an idol worshiper. What does that mean? Idols can be money, houses, nice cars, sex, co-dependant relationships. Anything that takes that number one spot from the True Conceptual God. My Lord. My Savior.
Are you tired yet? Are you tired from wrestling with your demons so to speak? If you're tired, lay down. Lay down your pride. Lay down who you are to discover who He's making you to be.
Jacob found himself one evening under the stars with a rock for a pillow. It was an uncomfortable place. I think we're all there... in this uncomfortable place. A rock has become our pillow. Yet Jacob had a dream of angels ascending and decending on a ladder to the heavens. Jacob awoke and made this statement: GOD WAS HERE AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT!
In our place of being uncomfortable, we are in a place of great change. God is there and we're soon going to know it.
So I guess today my main thought is this: In this uncomfortable place we find ourselves in, we are ripe for change and we're going to come face to face with who we are and who He is making deep within us.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Stuck Between Two Seasons
It seems as if we're stuck between two seasons. We've had our first snow storm in October. The last I knew the first day of winter isn't until Dec 21st. So if that's the case, it's still Autumn. Some people hated to see all that snow. It caused alot of driving woes for some people. It was simply a mess.
Have you felt that way emotionally? An Emotional mess?
How about Spiritually? A Spiritual mess?
How about mentally? A Mental mess?
I have been there this week... probably all three at the same time. I won't go into details. The details would bore many of you.
Being stuck between two seasons is frustrating, grating on the nerves, difficult to understand. Change is never easy. Feeling like you're stuck is a horrible feeling.
I had a great revelation this week. I'm not stuck. There is a world of options open for me. There are a thousand doors to consider. The issue now is to know which door is the one that I am to walk through.
One of my favorite verses is found in James: If any man lack wisdom let him ask and it will be given.
That's the key for a change in life. When you're stuck in between two seasons:ask for wisdom. It will come. Wisdom will build her house in your heart and you'll know.
Have you felt that way emotionally? An Emotional mess?
How about Spiritually? A Spiritual mess?
How about mentally? A Mental mess?
I have been there this week... probably all three at the same time. I won't go into details. The details would bore many of you.
Being stuck between two seasons is frustrating, grating on the nerves, difficult to understand. Change is never easy. Feeling like you're stuck is a horrible feeling.
I had a great revelation this week. I'm not stuck. There is a world of options open for me. There are a thousand doors to consider. The issue now is to know which door is the one that I am to walk through.
One of my favorite verses is found in James: If any man lack wisdom let him ask and it will be given.
That's the key for a change in life. When you're stuck in between two seasons:ask for wisdom. It will come. Wisdom will build her house in your heart and you'll know.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Seasons
Seasons... that's what I'm thinking about. There are so many seasons in life that come and go. It's easy to forget that each season has a Divine Order set by God. It's easy to get cluttered up with circumstance. We don't know what the season will bring. Each Season has its own specific anointing. The Season thrusts us through into that anointing that we need to walk through that season.
That means it's not always going to be comfortable. It's not always going to be pleasant in the beginning. It's going to break....to stretch... to cause pain and heartache. Yet when that season comes to an end, we will understand what that was all about and will be forever grateful for the new growth and grace that was birthed through that season.
That means it's not always going to be comfortable. It's not always going to be pleasant in the beginning. It's going to break....to stretch... to cause pain and heartache. Yet when that season comes to an end, we will understand what that was all about and will be forever grateful for the new growth and grace that was birthed through that season.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Thanks-Giving
Thanksgiving.... we sure do have a lot to be thankful for. We are certainly blessed. Sometimes we just need to be reminded of that: I am blessed. I had a wonderful time yesterday at my parents place. My sister and her family joined us for thanksgiving supper. My...what a year its been. It sure could have been a very different thanksgiving. That was something we talked about over supper. We're simply thankful for life and being alive. My niece could have left us....BUT SHE DIDN'T! She's in maintenance mode which is exciting. I could have left this earth...BUT I'M STILL HERE! Thankfully. I must still have a purpose yet to fulfill.
We take things for granted. We just expect it. I was talking with a friend about a situation and we realize that people just don't appreciate what they have for the most part. Many people have grown up in this thing (meaning church) that we don't know how it would be like to not have the opportunity for spirituality. We take freedom for granted. We don't understand how fleeting freedom can be until we don't have it anymore.
This blog is getting pretty sober.....I hope it's thought provoking though. Many times we take our health for granted (I've said that here before) until we end up lying in a hospital bed hooked up to monitors and IV's incapable to do much for ourselves.
Days of just expecting things to be just around us are over. We mustn't take for granted anything anymore. We must become proactive in every sense of the word. We must learn what it means to be aware, be involved and enjoy the journey. We know the ending but we must always be in the moment in order to enjoy the journey.
Let's be thankful--- full of thanks.
We take things for granted. We just expect it. I was talking with a friend about a situation and we realize that people just don't appreciate what they have for the most part. Many people have grown up in this thing (meaning church) that we don't know how it would be like to not have the opportunity for spirituality. We take freedom for granted. We don't understand how fleeting freedom can be until we don't have it anymore.
This blog is getting pretty sober.....I hope it's thought provoking though. Many times we take our health for granted (I've said that here before) until we end up lying in a hospital bed hooked up to monitors and IV's incapable to do much for ourselves.
Days of just expecting things to be just around us are over. We mustn't take for granted anything anymore. We must become proactive in every sense of the word. We must learn what it means to be aware, be involved and enjoy the journey. We know the ending but we must always be in the moment in order to enjoy the journey.
Let's be thankful--- full of thanks.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Teaching and Learning
In a recent cover letter, I wrote this statement which thinking back on it now, may have been a strong statement. Hopefully it is heard right.
"I am a person who is driven to learn."
Driven to learn. I think we have to be driven to learn. If we stop learning, I think we stop progressing. We stop moving forward. We in essence stop dreaming. Dreaming is all about learning. This life is a journey of learning.
If there's something I don't know how to do, then I need to find out how to do it. Maybe it's the student in me. Maybe it's the desire to teach deep within me.
Every teacher first and foremost is a learner. You can never teach if you never learn.
You can never express without learning something from that expression.
You can never truly understand the ways and the heart of God without learning.
Learn to love and love to learn.
I remember Dr. Frank Lipsett, my Middle School principal, wore this dog chain around his neck during every assembly. It was a symbol of how we are all linked together. It was a symbol of teaching and learning. We heard it so often that we took it for granted. We didn't understand what he was saying. We'd roll our eyes. We would mockingly repeat it. We'd crack jokes about the dog chain.
However; now that I think about it...we are all linked together. Teachers are students...eternal students. Students are teachers...whether or not they realize it. We all share the role of teaching and learning.
If you're going to be a learned individual...be a good one. Desire to learn.
If you're going to be a teacher.....first be a good learner...then you'll find that you've already taught.
"I am a person who is driven to learn."
Driven to learn. I think we have to be driven to learn. If we stop learning, I think we stop progressing. We stop moving forward. We in essence stop dreaming. Dreaming is all about learning. This life is a journey of learning.
If there's something I don't know how to do, then I need to find out how to do it. Maybe it's the student in me. Maybe it's the desire to teach deep within me.
Every teacher first and foremost is a learner. You can never teach if you never learn.
You can never express without learning something from that expression.
You can never truly understand the ways and the heart of God without learning.
Learn to love and love to learn.
I remember Dr. Frank Lipsett, my Middle School principal, wore this dog chain around his neck during every assembly. It was a symbol of how we are all linked together. It was a symbol of teaching and learning. We heard it so often that we took it for granted. We didn't understand what he was saying. We'd roll our eyes. We would mockingly repeat it. We'd crack jokes about the dog chain.
However; now that I think about it...we are all linked together. Teachers are students...eternal students. Students are teachers...whether or not they realize it. We all share the role of teaching and learning.
If you're going to be a learned individual...be a good one. Desire to learn.
If you're going to be a teacher.....first be a good learner...then you'll find that you've already taught.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Perception, Our Mind & The Internal Conversation
Isn't it strange how our minds work? Sometimes they can get way out of control. As we talked about perception in our last two blogs I guess we should continue in this vein for a little bit. Call it a wild imagination or what have you a lot of times we find ourselves worked up into a frenzy and come to find out that none of it be the truth.
Take for example: you are talking to a relative. They're not talking much. You feel a bit of tension (of course this is over Facebook Chat and you know how much you can tell by that). Then you begin to think they are mad at you. Then you go back in time to your last real conversation with them and you think there were some tension back there. Oh you wonder what you might have done wrong. You become afraid that you might lose the closeness of your relationship. You have this sick feeling in your stomach. You are now in full worry mode.
When you do talk to them, they wonder what you're talking about. Their tension was not toward you but toward another situation that was happening at that moment.
That's what I'm talking about: you can't be led by your perception. What I perceived to be the problem wasn't the problem at all. I have a term for this: I call it Internal Conversation. It can be good but it also can be very negative.
Think of the woman who followed Paul and Silas saying "These men are called of God." What she was saying was right: BUT the perception behind it caused Paul to feel grieved. He recognized it was a spirit and cast it out.
Sometimes I wish that I could cast out my negative Internal Conversation.
That's why we need to harness our mind. Don't let it run away on you. It's a wild horse that must be tamed.
The Apostle Paul taught a lot about the mind:
1) Romans 12 1I APPEAL to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you in view of [all] the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies [presenting all your members and faculties] as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship.
2Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you].
2) Ephesians 4:22-23 (Amplified Bible)
22Strip yourselves of your former nature [put off and discard your old unrenewed self] which characterized your previous manner of life and becomes corrupt through lusts and desires that spring from delusion;
23And be constantly renewed in the spirit of your mind [having a fresh mental and spiritual attitude],
3) Hebrews 12 1THEREFORE THEN, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us,
2Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God.(A)
4) Romans 8:5 (Amplified Bible)
5For those who are according to the flesh and are controlled by its unholy desires set their minds on and [a]pursue those things which gratify the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit and are controlled by the desires of the Spirit set their minds on and [b]seek those things which gratify the [Holy] Spirit.
5) Philippians 2:5Let this same attitude and purpose and [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus: [Let Him be your example in humility:]
6)Philippians 4:7And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
So today we need to understand the importance of taking a hold of every thought, bring it into captivity. I want to end this thought with this setting of Scripture:
2 Corinthians 10:4-6 (New King James Version)
4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, 6 and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.
Take for example: you are talking to a relative. They're not talking much. You feel a bit of tension (of course this is over Facebook Chat and you know how much you can tell by that). Then you begin to think they are mad at you. Then you go back in time to your last real conversation with them and you think there were some tension back there. Oh you wonder what you might have done wrong. You become afraid that you might lose the closeness of your relationship. You have this sick feeling in your stomach. You are now in full worry mode.
When you do talk to them, they wonder what you're talking about. Their tension was not toward you but toward another situation that was happening at that moment.
That's what I'm talking about: you can't be led by your perception. What I perceived to be the problem wasn't the problem at all. I have a term for this: I call it Internal Conversation. It can be good but it also can be very negative.
Think of the woman who followed Paul and Silas saying "These men are called of God." What she was saying was right: BUT the perception behind it caused Paul to feel grieved. He recognized it was a spirit and cast it out.
Sometimes I wish that I could cast out my negative Internal Conversation.
That's why we need to harness our mind. Don't let it run away on you. It's a wild horse that must be tamed.
The Apostle Paul taught a lot about the mind:
1) Romans 12 1I APPEAL to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you in view of [all] the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies [presenting all your members and faculties] as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship.
2Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you].
2) Ephesians 4:22-23 (Amplified Bible)
22Strip yourselves of your former nature [put off and discard your old unrenewed self] which characterized your previous manner of life and becomes corrupt through lusts and desires that spring from delusion;
23And be constantly renewed in the spirit of your mind [having a fresh mental and spiritual attitude],
3) Hebrews 12 1THEREFORE THEN, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us,
2Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God.(A)
4) Romans 8:5 (Amplified Bible)
5For those who are according to the flesh and are controlled by its unholy desires set their minds on and [a]pursue those things which gratify the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit and are controlled by the desires of the Spirit set their minds on and [b]seek those things which gratify the [Holy] Spirit.
5) Philippians 2:5Let this same attitude and purpose and [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus: [Let Him be your example in humility:]
6)Philippians 4:7And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
So today we need to understand the importance of taking a hold of every thought, bring it into captivity. I want to end this thought with this setting of Scripture:
2 Corinthians 10:4-6 (New King James Version)
4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, 6 and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
The Heart - The Central Core
As I have said in blogs past, this thing started with the heart and it will forever be with the heart. As I begin to think about that I am keen to understand what the heart means.
1) The heart is the central core system of the body. The heart is what allows for the life to flow through us. The life force is the blood. The Bible says that the life is found in the blood. It's so true. When the blood isn't effectively flowing through the heart, it will be either too high or too low causing us to be unhealthy. Stress can be a cause of more serious troubles with the heart leading to a complete breakdown of health and causing one to be ineffective with their Divine Destiny. We must learn to respect the central core system that allows life to flow.
2) The heart is the central core system of the soul. The soul is the core system where thoughts and actions and feelings dwell. It's the think tank of greater things. When the thoughts of destruction fill our soul it will affect our body. Although we are not to be governed by the soul we must learn to respect the soul. I've heard teachings and have been a participant therein to teach how wrong it was to be led by the soul. I don't think I've had an understanding of the purpose of the soul. God created man to house a soul and a spirit. When I don't respect the soul aspect of who God created me to be I deny myself the awesome ability to live in the spirit. Without the power of thoughts and the soul we can't truly understand the anointing that is housed within us.
3) The heart is the central core system of the spirit. When I embrace the importance of the soul I then am able to enter into the portal that leads to all things Spirit. We must learn to respect ourselves as a three part being that God created us to be. Respect the temple and you'll come into a respect for the soul and the spirit. The three part being of man was created to be unified. We were created this way for a purpose.
When I take care of all three parts of my three part being I will truly know what it means to be a whole individual.
1) The heart is the central core system of the body. The heart is what allows for the life to flow through us. The life force is the blood. The Bible says that the life is found in the blood. It's so true. When the blood isn't effectively flowing through the heart, it will be either too high or too low causing us to be unhealthy. Stress can be a cause of more serious troubles with the heart leading to a complete breakdown of health and causing one to be ineffective with their Divine Destiny. We must learn to respect the central core system that allows life to flow.
2) The heart is the central core system of the soul. The soul is the core system where thoughts and actions and feelings dwell. It's the think tank of greater things. When the thoughts of destruction fill our soul it will affect our body. Although we are not to be governed by the soul we must learn to respect the soul. I've heard teachings and have been a participant therein to teach how wrong it was to be led by the soul. I don't think I've had an understanding of the purpose of the soul. God created man to house a soul and a spirit. When I don't respect the soul aspect of who God created me to be I deny myself the awesome ability to live in the spirit. Without the power of thoughts and the soul we can't truly understand the anointing that is housed within us.
3) The heart is the central core system of the spirit. When I embrace the importance of the soul I then am able to enter into the portal that leads to all things Spirit. We must learn to respect ourselves as a three part being that God created us to be. Respect the temple and you'll come into a respect for the soul and the spirit. The three part being of man was created to be unified. We were created this way for a purpose.
When I take care of all three parts of my three part being I will truly know what it means to be a whole individual.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Agreement - The Vibrations of the Spirit
So I want to continue along with the thought of the last blog. Perception can be a wonderful thing if we allow the Conceptual God to harness it. We must never let perception dictate to us what the conception of your mandate, your purpose, your destiny is. So many times we try to interpret things through perception rather than allow the concept to unfold through Divine Revelation.
It takes revelation to reveal concepts because their origin is from Spirit. Only Spirit can truly reveal spiritual things. It requires faith to not only receive but to understand spiritual things.
I would like to suggest that we are only one concept away from a birthing of destiny. We are only one concept away from a breakthrough both spiritually and physically.
I want to introduce a thought to those who read:
We serve a Conceptual God who created everything out of love, joy, and peace. These are the rhythmic vibrations of the Spirit. These are the sounds heaven's symphony. When we unite ourselves to these rhythmic vibrations we come into alignment with the operations of Heaven and will experience what takes place in Heaven on earth.
Love, Joy and Peace are the breath of God. It's the vibrator of the soul. I came from love. I live in love. I will return to love.
I came from joy. I am in joy. I will return to joy.
I came from peace. I am in peace. I will return to peace.
Love created all that we see. Love is the vibration that keeps the earth on axis. Love is the vibration that keeps nature's cycles in ebb and Flo.
When I come into agreement with Heaven, the sound is a resounding "yes" in the Spirit. The Bible says, "All the promises of God are Yes and Amen" ....so be it.
Amen comes from the root Hebrew word Aman- which means believe.
When my spirit unites with God's Spirit, conception can't help but take place.
So what is revival? It is simply the agreement between Spirit to spirit. There is life in agreement. There is hope in agreement. There is love in agreement.
So today's thought is simply this: I want to come into agreement with God so that the vibrations of the Spirit World become so intense that Heaven and Earth collide and cause a powerful revival in my time.
It takes revelation to reveal concepts because their origin is from Spirit. Only Spirit can truly reveal spiritual things. It requires faith to not only receive but to understand spiritual things.
I would like to suggest that we are only one concept away from a birthing of destiny. We are only one concept away from a breakthrough both spiritually and physically.
I want to introduce a thought to those who read:
We serve a Conceptual God who created everything out of love, joy, and peace. These are the rhythmic vibrations of the Spirit. These are the sounds heaven's symphony. When we unite ourselves to these rhythmic vibrations we come into alignment with the operations of Heaven and will experience what takes place in Heaven on earth.
Love, Joy and Peace are the breath of God. It's the vibrator of the soul. I came from love. I live in love. I will return to love.
I came from joy. I am in joy. I will return to joy.
I came from peace. I am in peace. I will return to peace.
Love created all that we see. Love is the vibration that keeps the earth on axis. Love is the vibration that keeps nature's cycles in ebb and Flo.
When I come into agreement with Heaven, the sound is a resounding "yes" in the Spirit. The Bible says, "All the promises of God are Yes and Amen" ....so be it.
Amen comes from the root Hebrew word Aman- which means believe.
When my spirit unites with God's Spirit, conception can't help but take place.
So what is revival? It is simply the agreement between Spirit to spirit. There is life in agreement. There is hope in agreement. There is love in agreement.
So today's thought is simply this: I want to come into agreement with God so that the vibrations of the Spirit World become so intense that Heaven and Earth collide and cause a powerful revival in my time.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Conception Verses Perception
We serve a God of Concepts and principles. This that we see and are apart of began as a concept from the thought life of the Unseen. I heard an interview given by Terry S Taylor from a christian progressive band named Daniel Amos. He used this phrase to describe one of his band members: Man of Conceptions. This phrase stayed with me and started me thinking. So hopefully I'll be able to express myself in this blog. I feel a teaching could be coming on.
Man of conceptions: the nature of the Word that created that which we enjoy and partake of. We are also made in this very image of conceptions. We create from the same conception. Creation can not help but create. It's simply the Divine nature that creation posesses. Conceptualizing is something from the Spirit world. It's the very nature of the heart of Spirit. Spirit desires to create. He can't help be who He is: Spirit has always been. Spirit will always be. It's the Alpha. It's the Omega. Spirit was before there was a beginning and will be after there be an ending.
Because I am a lover of words, I need to find out what they mean. So bear with me.
Conception:
• noun 1 the action of conceiving a child or of one being conceived. 2 the devising of a plan or idea. 3 a concept. 4 ability to imagine or understand.
1. broad understanding: a general understanding of something
2. something conceived in mind: a result of thought, e.g. an idea, invention, or plan
3. biology conceiving of young: the fertilization of an egg by a sperm at the beginning of pregnancy
4. embryology fetus: an embryo or fetus ( technical )
5. origin or beginnings: the beginnings or origin of something
6. formulation of idea: the process of arriving at an abstract idea or belief or the moment at which such an idea starts to take shape or emerge
7. Same as concept (sense 1)
I love this definition. It expresses the nature of who we are. If you want a simple definition of the power of God it would be this: He created all we see with a thought...an idea. We serve a God of process. He loves to cause things which just start as an idea and bring them into shape. This is where we get it. We are created the same thing dwelling on the inside.
Everyone is possessed by the breath of Spirit. Without Spirit we can't even exist. Monet would never have painted masterpieces. Beethoven would have never been able to create concertos. Prophets could never deliever the Divine Word of God to a hungry people. Hungry people would never find anything to suffice the hunger.Christ was not a second thought or plan B to the Conceptive God. Man didn't throw a wrench into His plan.
Christ was before creation. Christ had already been made into Sacrifice before creation was.
Conceptualize:
1. interpret observations with concept: to arrive at a concept or generalization as a result of things seen, experienced, or believed2. imagine: to picture, imagine, or perceive something
From Genesis (the beginnings) to Revelation (the reality of Bringing Heaven to Earth) we see the conceptual God in all of His glory.
The question that was presented at the fall of man was simply: What am I hungry for? What was I looking for when i had everything i could ever need in my life? Herein lies the issue: the problem was in the perception. Perception - could be right...could be wrong. And there is issue in a nutshell. There is room for doubt. I'm not saying that Perception is completely wrong but I must always be on guard because perception tends to be rooted in deception. Perception isn't always the way things truly are. You can't just live your life by your perceptions because you may find yourself further away from your purpose than you really desire to be. many have an unhealthy perception of themselves and life itself.
Until we understand what we are hungry for we won't be able to progress in the spiritual side of who we are. We must learn to become more like the Conceptual God as we have been created in the image of that very Person.
The Concept of Love has been foreign to the human race. How many times have we been around people who have strived so hard to find love that the hard the strive the further away they go from that which they need so desperately. Let's bring this down a bit. How many times have I strived for that love which I desperately need and find out that I am only moving further away from it?
My perception of what Love is and the actual concept of Love tend to be two different things. When I learn to live in love with myself and God I will find myself in a better place.
The concept of Peace is something that we long for. We cry out for peace. We hold peace rallies with all the banter. Peace should start with me first. If my perception of peace within isn't in line with the concept of peace, I will continue being at war with peace. When I learn to live in peace with myself and allow that Peace to flow from within I will find myself in such a better place than I am right now.
As Kim Clement sings: You're somewhere in the future and you look alot better than you look right now.
I sure hope to be able to do a complete study of these thoughts in some form and be able to share it with students at the Bible College. These are simply ideas that I'm thinking about.
Man of conceptions: the nature of the Word that created that which we enjoy and partake of. We are also made in this very image of conceptions. We create from the same conception. Creation can not help but create. It's simply the Divine nature that creation posesses. Conceptualizing is something from the Spirit world. It's the very nature of the heart of Spirit. Spirit desires to create. He can't help be who He is: Spirit has always been. Spirit will always be. It's the Alpha. It's the Omega. Spirit was before there was a beginning and will be after there be an ending.
Because I am a lover of words, I need to find out what they mean. So bear with me.
Conception:
• noun 1 the action of conceiving a child or of one being conceived. 2 the devising of a plan or idea. 3 a concept. 4 ability to imagine or understand.
1. broad understanding: a general understanding of something
2. something conceived in mind: a result of thought, e.g. an idea, invention, or plan
3. biology conceiving of young: the fertilization of an egg by a sperm at the beginning of pregnancy
4. embryology fetus: an embryo or fetus ( technical )
5. origin or beginnings: the beginnings or origin of something
6. formulation of idea: the process of arriving at an abstract idea or belief or the moment at which such an idea starts to take shape or emerge
7. Same as concept (sense 1)
I love this definition. It expresses the nature of who we are. If you want a simple definition of the power of God it would be this: He created all we see with a thought...an idea. We serve a God of process. He loves to cause things which just start as an idea and bring them into shape. This is where we get it. We are created the same thing dwelling on the inside.
Everyone is possessed by the breath of Spirit. Without Spirit we can't even exist. Monet would never have painted masterpieces. Beethoven would have never been able to create concertos. Prophets could never deliever the Divine Word of God to a hungry people. Hungry people would never find anything to suffice the hunger.Christ was not a second thought or plan B to the Conceptive God. Man didn't throw a wrench into His plan.
Christ was before creation. Christ had already been made into Sacrifice before creation was.
Conceptualize:
1. interpret observations with concept: to arrive at a concept or generalization as a result of things seen, experienced, or believed2. imagine: to picture, imagine, or perceive something
From Genesis (the beginnings) to Revelation (the reality of Bringing Heaven to Earth) we see the conceptual God in all of His glory.
The question that was presented at the fall of man was simply: What am I hungry for? What was I looking for when i had everything i could ever need in my life? Herein lies the issue: the problem was in the perception. Perception - could be right...could be wrong. And there is issue in a nutshell. There is room for doubt. I'm not saying that Perception is completely wrong but I must always be on guard because perception tends to be rooted in deception. Perception isn't always the way things truly are. You can't just live your life by your perceptions because you may find yourself further away from your purpose than you really desire to be. many have an unhealthy perception of themselves and life itself.
Until we understand what we are hungry for we won't be able to progress in the spiritual side of who we are. We must learn to become more like the Conceptual God as we have been created in the image of that very Person.
The Concept of Love has been foreign to the human race. How many times have we been around people who have strived so hard to find love that the hard the strive the further away they go from that which they need so desperately. Let's bring this down a bit. How many times have I strived for that love which I desperately need and find out that I am only moving further away from it?
My perception of what Love is and the actual concept of Love tend to be two different things. When I learn to live in love with myself and God I will find myself in a better place.
The concept of Peace is something that we long for. We cry out for peace. We hold peace rallies with all the banter. Peace should start with me first. If my perception of peace within isn't in line with the concept of peace, I will continue being at war with peace. When I learn to live in peace with myself and allow that Peace to flow from within I will find myself in such a better place than I am right now.
As Kim Clement sings: You're somewhere in the future and you look alot better than you look right now.
I sure hope to be able to do a complete study of these thoughts in some form and be able to share it with students at the Bible College. These are simply ideas that I'm thinking about.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Pregnant With Change
We are all pregnant with change on the inside. We don't know what that change is going to look like. We are expecting with this deep change. The more time goes on the more anticipated we become. Like an expecting mother, as nine months draws closer, they become anxious to see what this change will look like. Will they have their mother's eyes, their daddy's smile?
Being in the midst of change can be exhilerating but it also can become overwhelming. You can't wait much longer. You wish God would hurry up and bring into being the change that He's desiring to birth in and through you. What is up with the Divine Delay?
I know that deep down this is exactly where I find myself. This thought of being pregnant with change came to me while I was driving home from Fredericton of Thursday. I went to church that evening and the Man of God spoke so deep into my heart. He didn't tell me anything I didn't already know but after awhile of not feeling, sensing anything going on, it's incredible to know that God hasn't forgotten about you. I left that service so charged up, energized and encouraged.
You say, "Were you discouraged?" Absolutely. I was down and out. I was frustrated. I know that God has great things instore for me and it seems as if nothing of the sort has been happening. The reason being.....I haven't been in labor yet. I am still pregnant.
Some people will take mothers to be over rough roads to see if they can start the labor process. This may or may not work. Have you been down a rough road yet? I certainly have. I'm still pregnant. Only God knows the real true timing of labor.
So I wait. Patiently (hopefully). There's one thing I know: you can't be pregnant forever. It seems as if I have been for a very long time. To expecting mothers, nine months seem like an eternity.
Labor pangs are coming. You'll deliver. You'll finally get to see what this change looks like.
Being in the midst of change can be exhilerating but it also can become overwhelming. You can't wait much longer. You wish God would hurry up and bring into being the change that He's desiring to birth in and through you. What is up with the Divine Delay?
I know that deep down this is exactly where I find myself. This thought of being pregnant with change came to me while I was driving home from Fredericton of Thursday. I went to church that evening and the Man of God spoke so deep into my heart. He didn't tell me anything I didn't already know but after awhile of not feeling, sensing anything going on, it's incredible to know that God hasn't forgotten about you. I left that service so charged up, energized and encouraged.
You say, "Were you discouraged?" Absolutely. I was down and out. I was frustrated. I know that God has great things instore for me and it seems as if nothing of the sort has been happening. The reason being.....I haven't been in labor yet. I am still pregnant.
Some people will take mothers to be over rough roads to see if they can start the labor process. This may or may not work. Have you been down a rough road yet? I certainly have. I'm still pregnant. Only God knows the real true timing of labor.
So I wait. Patiently (hopefully). There's one thing I know: you can't be pregnant forever. It seems as if I have been for a very long time. To expecting mothers, nine months seem like an eternity.
Labor pangs are coming. You'll deliver. You'll finally get to see what this change looks like.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
I Just Want to Be Heard
It's the simple need of every human being...to fell as if they are being heard. I have heard it so many times. I have felt the same way. I just wish that I would be heard when I spoke. The reality is this: people will do or say anything just so make sure they are being heard. Right or wrong.
It's the spiritual need of people today. I have been apart of this spiritual walk for more than 20 years now and the need is overwhelming. In moments and seasons of questioning, people don't need to have the religious answer. They need to express. Expression is not what we've made it. It's a very important part of our experience. People tend to shy away from those who are just wanting to be heard. "Hey, I'm in need here."
I wonder where the idea came from where we turn away those that are just wanting to be heard.
Last night my mind went back to my first year of Bible Camp. There was a young teen there...I try to remember his name... Vern...Vince..... I think it was Vern. He was a young man trying to be heard among so many voices,, thoughts, expressions.
I think of Victor, a friend of mine who took his life. For so many years he was just wanting to be heard.
I think of a guy named Tom, another young man wanting to be heard.
I think of myself. I just want to be heard.
I remember a friend of mine from high school. She had such a way about herself that she made everyone feel important beyond social class. Social class didn't matter. She was the same with everyone. She took time to say hello, to chat for a moment. She let people be heard.
I tend to think that you grow up this way. This is something that is instilled at home first. Somewhere along the road she must have been heard in life and allowed that reality to permeate every aspect of her life.
If I want to be heard then I must first learn to listen. Listening is a gift I can give to people. I don't need to have all the answers. No one's asking me to. They just want a person who will listen to them. I used to be like that...I hope to be again.
So, What do I want?
It's the spiritual need of people today. I have been apart of this spiritual walk for more than 20 years now and the need is overwhelming. In moments and seasons of questioning, people don't need to have the religious answer. They need to express. Expression is not what we've made it. It's a very important part of our experience. People tend to shy away from those who are just wanting to be heard. "Hey, I'm in need here."
I wonder where the idea came from where we turn away those that are just wanting to be heard.
Last night my mind went back to my first year of Bible Camp. There was a young teen there...I try to remember his name... Vern...Vince..... I think it was Vern. He was a young man trying to be heard among so many voices,, thoughts, expressions.
I think of Victor, a friend of mine who took his life. For so many years he was just wanting to be heard.
I think of a guy named Tom, another young man wanting to be heard.
I think of myself. I just want to be heard.
I remember a friend of mine from high school. She had such a way about herself that she made everyone feel important beyond social class. Social class didn't matter. She was the same with everyone. She took time to say hello, to chat for a moment. She let people be heard.
I tend to think that you grow up this way. This is something that is instilled at home first. Somewhere along the road she must have been heard in life and allowed that reality to permeate every aspect of her life.
If I want to be heard then I must first learn to listen. Listening is a gift I can give to people. I don't need to have all the answers. No one's asking me to. They just want a person who will listen to them. I used to be like that...I hope to be again.
So, What do I want?
- I want to be healthy and a whole individual.
- I want to be happy and full of joy overflowing.
- I want to see Andrea healthy and happy.
- I want to see Andrea become the most incredible nurse in the world.
- I want to be heard. I want people to be heard.
I think that when people feel like they are being heard then they feel like they are a part of society...they are loved...they are accepted.
I believe that this is a very important blog today. Let's put the religious and emotional responses down. Let's allow people to express..to be heard... to heal.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
When Idle Words seem to Prevail....There is Still Love
How interesting life is when you think about it. Just when you think you're at your lowest, someone crosses paths with you and lets you know they prayed for you. I had a lady say that to me today. She prayed for me when I had been so sick in the hospital. I needed to hear that so badly today. Just when I think that I've gone too far from my Source, He lets me know that He's as close as the mention of His Name. It's those things that truly make life what its all about.
It's not about the daily grind.
It's not about how short you feel you come to the mark. Yes, I don't always hit the mark...the mark tends to hit me most of the time.
Idle words... oh yeah...they've been said...unproductive as they are....yet God chooses to let me know just how close He is through this one individual who caringly tells me they've been praying for me. I feel such strength in those words.
Idle words - spoken from frustration, stress, anxiety, fear, anger, depression... none of these things are productive in nature. Overwhelmed by the trials of life we tend to get caught up in the moment of things and open trap door and trap ourselves with these idle words.
It's not about the daily grind.
It's not about how short you feel you come to the mark. Yes, I don't always hit the mark...the mark tends to hit me most of the time.
Idle words... oh yeah...they've been said...unproductive as they are....yet God chooses to let me know just how close He is through this one individual who caringly tells me they've been praying for me. I feel such strength in those words.
Idle words - spoken from frustration, stress, anxiety, fear, anger, depression... none of these things are productive in nature. Overwhelmed by the trials of life we tend to get caught up in the moment of things and open trap door and trap ourselves with these idle words.
Matthew 12:36
36 But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.
Idle Words: empty rhetoric or insincere or exaggerated talk
Words in Scripture context need to be weighed with caution and reverence. Word is Spirit as God is Spirit. When I allow myself to go down the road of empty rhetoric I am being just that: empty of the Life that I claim to have. I don't want that. I want to be full of life. There is dynamic power in word.
Much like today when that lady told me that she had been praying for me. It's so good to know that you're thought of. That you're loved. That you are on someone's mind. I think that so many times we forget the importance of each other. We get so caught up in our own world with our own issues and faults and problems that we don't take the time to find out about the other's needs, wishes, desires. Isn't that what we all want? To be loved.
I don't want to sound like I'm tooting my own horn cause that's not what this blog is for. This is purely just an example. A couple of weeks ago now, I took two bouquets of flowers to the hospital where my grandmother and uncle were receiving care. They still talk about the flowers and vases. A simple act means a whole lot in times of transition and difficulty.
So for all the unproductive idle words thank goodness that there is the Love that covers a multitude of sin. Thank the Lord for mercy...grace...abundant Spirit nature.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Second-Hand Faith Vs First-Hand Faith
Faith is something that is absolutely important to me. I grew up in the church from the time of a 4 year old child. The question that I hear all the time is this: is your faith your own or was it taught? I think it actually is a bit of both. Yes, I grew up in Christianity. However at some point, my faith developed beyond what I was taught. It went from being my mother's faith to becoming something so much more personal and real. It became my own.
I take my faith personally. I don't have a second hand faith. Yes, it was passed down to some degree however this faith is my own. Faith comes by hearing and I do appreciate the stories of the healings, miracles, signs and wonders. They are used to help enhance my faith. However I want to experience faith.. I want to experience the miracles, signs and wonders. I have experienced healing in my life.
I can't hold onto people's coat strings in this experience. I must know God for myself. I must see Him for Who He is. I must understand that He wants to show me His ways. I've grown in my faith over the years. I've had my faith on the sidelines as well. Not that I ever stopped believing. There have been times where I've checked out of living for a while. Yet I always seem to come back to what really matters... faith. I learn what faith is in the darkness. I learn how strong I am through the valleys. I learn what faith truly means when I consider my relationship with God.
second-hand
• adjective & adverb 1 (of goods) having had a previous owner; not new. 2 accepted on another’s authority and not from original investigation.
— PHRASES at second hand by hearsay rather than direct observation or experience.second-hand
Faith requires a direct personal connection. It requires observation. My faith is more than hearsay. It's more than just nice little Bible Stories I grew up with as a child. My faith is built on nothing less than the experience I received throughout my spiritual journey.
No, my faith is nothing new. Its been new to me. But it's something I can't impart to anyone. I can encourage people in their journey of faith. Faith must become original to me. It has to become original to you.
Here's a thought: maybe faith starts out second-hand. Then it moves on from there to becoming a deep personal spiritual experience. Have a first-hand encounter with the One who loves you. Have a first-hand encounter with faith. Have a first-hand account of how Love won you over.
I take my faith personally. I don't have a second hand faith. Yes, it was passed down to some degree however this faith is my own. Faith comes by hearing and I do appreciate the stories of the healings, miracles, signs and wonders. They are used to help enhance my faith. However I want to experience faith.. I want to experience the miracles, signs and wonders. I have experienced healing in my life.
I can't hold onto people's coat strings in this experience. I must know God for myself. I must see Him for Who He is. I must understand that He wants to show me His ways. I've grown in my faith over the years. I've had my faith on the sidelines as well. Not that I ever stopped believing. There have been times where I've checked out of living for a while. Yet I always seem to come back to what really matters... faith. I learn what faith is in the darkness. I learn how strong I am through the valleys. I learn what faith truly means when I consider my relationship with God.
second-hand
• adjective & adverb 1 (of goods) having had a previous owner; not new. 2 accepted on another’s authority and not from original investigation.
— PHRASES at second hand by hearsay rather than direct observation or experience.second-hand
Faith requires a direct personal connection. It requires observation. My faith is more than hearsay. It's more than just nice little Bible Stories I grew up with as a child. My faith is built on nothing less than the experience I received throughout my spiritual journey.
No, my faith is nothing new. Its been new to me. But it's something I can't impart to anyone. I can encourage people in their journey of faith. Faith must become original to me. It has to become original to you.
Here's a thought: maybe faith starts out second-hand. Then it moves on from there to becoming a deep personal spiritual experience. Have a first-hand encounter with the One who loves you. Have a first-hand encounter with faith. Have a first-hand account of how Love won you over.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
When My Heart is Overwhelmed - Lead Me to the Rock
I think of an old song we used to sing at my church I attended when I was a kid...
Hear my cry O Lord
attend unto my prayer
From the end of the earth
will I cry out to Thee.
When my heart is overwhelmed
Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I
That is higher than I.
"When my heart is overwhelmed"... have you been there? Have you ever felt as if the tunnel light is getting so dim the further you go? Have you ever wondered how come things happen the way they do?
I know the Christian response: you're not supposed to let your feelings get the best of you. As true as that may seem, as a human being in the trial of life, feelings do get the best of us. I don't need anyone to condemn me for that. They say feeling is not faith...no...but God created man to feel. To feel is to know you're still alive.
When my heart is overwhelmed....there is an ache in that statement....
So if King David were alive today, would we give him the "Christian" response.... don't feel? I don't think so...
Or how about Elijah?
Or what about Mary, as she watched her Son die a death He didn't deserve?
King David knew all about heartache, pain, despair, and fear. He didn't try and hide it. He didn't lie about it like most Christians do...
"Oh I'm not sick." Stop the lies. Jesus doesn't like it.
"Oh I'm not afraid." Then why are your knees knocking sounding like percussion instruments?
"Oh I'm not in pain." Then why is it that your face whinces every time you take a step?
See the reality is this: we all feel. There's nothing wrong with feeling. Feeling is part of the human experience. Jesus never condemned people for feeling. Feeling is not a sign you doubt. Feeling is the essence of your being reaching out saying, "God, I feel this! It hurts!"
Life does hurt....trust me.. I know. I have a grandmother, and uncle and a niece in the hospital right now. Hurt? Oh yeah, I'm there. I ache. I cry. I wonder why. I pray....the best way I know how. Overwhelmed? Yup...I could teach a course called "Overwhelmed 101".
David was a rejected kid, a rejected man who killed giants, a friend who fought till the end. He was a man who had some definite character flaws, stole a man's wife, killed the man in war, messed up big time. Lost his best friend, was chased and in war with many nations. He hid in caves. I think David knew a thing or two about being overwhelmed.
Yet, his prayer was... when my heart is overwhelmed.... Lead me.
What does that mean? Lead me... he couldn't do it alone. He had Someone there to draw him close.
Lead me to the Rock.
Where? The Rock ... that which is firm, solid and a strong foundation. That's exactly where we need to be.
Lead me to the Rock that is Higher than I. - This means we can't rely on our own strength. Remember we're overwhelmed! There is no strength in overwhelmed. We rely on those things which cannot and will not change.
Psalm 61
To the Chief Musician. On a stringed instrument.[a]A Psalm of David. 1 Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer. 2 From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 3 For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy.
Hear my cry O Lord
attend unto my prayer
From the end of the earth
will I cry out to Thee.
When my heart is overwhelmed
Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I
That is higher than I.
"When my heart is overwhelmed"... have you been there? Have you ever felt as if the tunnel light is getting so dim the further you go? Have you ever wondered how come things happen the way they do?
I know the Christian response: you're not supposed to let your feelings get the best of you. As true as that may seem, as a human being in the trial of life, feelings do get the best of us. I don't need anyone to condemn me for that. They say feeling is not faith...no...but God created man to feel. To feel is to know you're still alive.
When my heart is overwhelmed....there is an ache in that statement....
So if King David were alive today, would we give him the "Christian" response.... don't feel? I don't think so...
Or how about Elijah?
Or what about Mary, as she watched her Son die a death He didn't deserve?
King David knew all about heartache, pain, despair, and fear. He didn't try and hide it. He didn't lie about it like most Christians do...
"Oh I'm not sick." Stop the lies. Jesus doesn't like it.
"Oh I'm not afraid." Then why are your knees knocking sounding like percussion instruments?
"Oh I'm not in pain." Then why is it that your face whinces every time you take a step?
See the reality is this: we all feel. There's nothing wrong with feeling. Feeling is part of the human experience. Jesus never condemned people for feeling. Feeling is not a sign you doubt. Feeling is the essence of your being reaching out saying, "God, I feel this! It hurts!"
Life does hurt....trust me.. I know. I have a grandmother, and uncle and a niece in the hospital right now. Hurt? Oh yeah, I'm there. I ache. I cry. I wonder why. I pray....the best way I know how. Overwhelmed? Yup...I could teach a course called "Overwhelmed 101".
David was a rejected kid, a rejected man who killed giants, a friend who fought till the end. He was a man who had some definite character flaws, stole a man's wife, killed the man in war, messed up big time. Lost his best friend, was chased and in war with many nations. He hid in caves. I think David knew a thing or two about being overwhelmed.
Yet, his prayer was... when my heart is overwhelmed.... Lead me.
What does that mean? Lead me... he couldn't do it alone. He had Someone there to draw him close.
Lead me to the Rock.
Where? The Rock ... that which is firm, solid and a strong foundation. That's exactly where we need to be.
Lead me to the Rock that is Higher than I. - This means we can't rely on our own strength. Remember we're overwhelmed! There is no strength in overwhelmed. We rely on those things which cannot and will not change.
Psalm 61
To the Chief Musician. On a stringed instrument.[a]A Psalm of David. 1 Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer. 2 From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 3 For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The Journey
No matter how much you realize that things are simply part of the journey, you can't help but wish that the journey looked different. You wish that things were easier, a straight and narrow path without the twists and turns, hills and valleys. Yet the hills and the valleys help define who we are.
Sometimes the journey is a lonely one. No matter how many people tell you they support you (that's really wonderful to hear), truly it's a journey you have to walk alone. The one thing we realize through these dark seasons is that we are truly not alone. God is with us. God is as faithful as He ever has been.
The journey of life is paved with lots of sweat and tears. Our tears water the seed that has been planted. The most important thing to remember is that we must not lose heart. This whole things started with the heart and it will end with the heart. God has always been concerned about the heart of man.
We have no control as to what the journey brings our way. Sometimes circumstances are the mallet that is used to chisel away our rough edges to create the most attractive and beautiful piece of pottery.
So I'm looking for a miracle, believing for a miracle, seeking the face of God for His Divine Prophetic Mandate for my life. I am trusting His lead. I am trying not to get the cart before the horse...or better yet.... I'm trying not to get myself in the lead position ahead of God.
In the end of this whole picture, my love for God never waivers. I still love God even though loss has been very evident in the last two years. I still love God even though my niece faces a battle of her own. I still love God through my journey of sickness. The bottom line is this: I still love God.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Clay -- the "non" entertainer.
So I'm not an entertainer. I knew that. I've known that for a long time now. It's not who I am. I sing serious songs...heart songs... prayer songs...life songs. Maybe I sing to help keep me grounded. Maybe I sing for no other reason than to keep my heart in check.
I left tonight from where I was with this deep sense... I'm not an entertainer. I never will be. I was never meant to be.
As a kid I always dreamed of singing in front of crowded stadiums... crowds now scare me. Even if the crowd is only 30 people...because I'm not an entertainer. I can't just sing a song for the sake of it.
I sang an acapella song tonight... started it too high... Busted a lung (literally) and just knew that I wasn't meant to entertain.
So what am I to do? I sing songs...whiptydo! I want to do more than sing songs. I want to sing something meaningful. I want to worship. I want to connect. I want to minister. People don't understand that.... they're not meant to.
So I've come to this resolve. Next Saturday rather than try and hide from what I know I want to do, why don't I just do what I'm comfortable with. Sing. Worship. Be myself. Rather than find songs that are a bit ambiguous, sing from my heart what I know pleases God. When it pleases God, I know I've done what I was to do.
So tomorrow when I go to the Salvation Army church to sing...I will be caught up in worship and awe of the One who loves me beyond what I could ever dream or imagine.
It's not about how high of a note I can sing or how long I can hold the note for. Tonight I couldn't hold a note for a very long time. Who cares. That's not what it's all about anyway. It's about the heart. I left knowing that I pleased God. I left knowing somehow He was holding me. I love that song Mr Rich Mullins... Hold Me Jesus....what a thought.
It's not about losing confidence in singing because I haven't. My voice has changed yet again. It's deeper. It's more of a folk music nature. I'm okay with that.
I remember what Sara Groves said in an interview once. She came to the place in her life that she realized she would be doing music whether or not people were listening. Maybe that's how I feel.
I left tonight from where I was with this deep sense... I'm not an entertainer. I never will be. I was never meant to be.
As a kid I always dreamed of singing in front of crowded stadiums... crowds now scare me. Even if the crowd is only 30 people...because I'm not an entertainer. I can't just sing a song for the sake of it.
I sang an acapella song tonight... started it too high... Busted a lung (literally) and just knew that I wasn't meant to entertain.
So what am I to do? I sing songs...whiptydo! I want to do more than sing songs. I want to sing something meaningful. I want to worship. I want to connect. I want to minister. People don't understand that.... they're not meant to.
So I've come to this resolve. Next Saturday rather than try and hide from what I know I want to do, why don't I just do what I'm comfortable with. Sing. Worship. Be myself. Rather than find songs that are a bit ambiguous, sing from my heart what I know pleases God. When it pleases God, I know I've done what I was to do.
So tomorrow when I go to the Salvation Army church to sing...I will be caught up in worship and awe of the One who loves me beyond what I could ever dream or imagine.
It's not about how high of a note I can sing or how long I can hold the note for. Tonight I couldn't hold a note for a very long time. Who cares. That's not what it's all about anyway. It's about the heart. I left knowing that I pleased God. I left knowing somehow He was holding me. I love that song Mr Rich Mullins... Hold Me Jesus....what a thought.
It's not about losing confidence in singing because I haven't. My voice has changed yet again. It's deeper. It's more of a folk music nature. I'm okay with that.
I remember what Sara Groves said in an interview once. She came to the place in her life that she realized she would be doing music whether or not people were listening. Maybe that's how I feel.
A Love Issue
This whole existence of life is all about a love issue. Look at the characters in the Bible..and what characters they were. They were liars, thieves, crooks, deceivers...and yet they were simply the ones God used to impact the world.
A love issue: This whole thing started out from the base of love. Creation came from Love. We see throughout the story that Love is the underlying focus. The Garden of Eden was a place of delight... of Love..of relationship. The fall of man caused a major gap in thinking. It caused us to walk away from our True Love. Then we strived to return to what we were familiar with. We were like little children trying to get the attention of their father. We jump around, scream, hollar, throw a temper tantrum... we laugh, crack jokes...all for one simple glance from our Creator.
The reality is that we have a restored relationship with our Father. We already have His attention. Christianity is not based on competitions, games, and such. It is simply based on Love. No longer do I strive for His Attention.
Many times we are like the son, who when his prodigal brother returns home, get upset when the Father throws a party for him in honor of his return. What the son didn't realize then was that all that his Father had was his. The son had a love issue.
We're just like him. We get caught up in the politics of life that we forget that we don't need to strive any longer. The price has been paid.
So this is what I know today:
- I am a son who has the attention and heart of God at my disposal and am walking in the sonship that has been given to me by God. He loves me. There is no doubt about that. I am forever in the care of His Watchful eye.
Love is not based on outward things...what we think others should do, what they should say, what they should think. Love is based on inward things. Love is spiritual and when love is spiritual it will have an outward effect on every aspect of our lives. However we must realize first and foremost that Love is spiritual. Love is Spirit. We are spirit. We were created to love. We were created to be like our Creator.
If we were truly filled with the Love of God that He gives us abundantly, we would have no problem with what others truly thought of us because Love overlooks and covers. Love should become our covering. Love should be our canopy. Love heals the broken. Love takes care of one another...not just in word but in deed. Love is our strength. Love is what gets us through the valley of the shadow of death. Love is what should define us. When people look up the word love in the dictionary, people should see our picture along side of the picture of God.
Love is the root to all life. It is what hinges this whole thing together. We will all have our own way of thinking...this isn't to say we will all look alike, sound alike, but the underlying thing will remain...love exists. People should be able to look at us and KNOW that love truly does exist.
That's what it means when you read: They will know we are Christians by our love for one another.
A love issue: This whole thing started out from the base of love. Creation came from Love. We see throughout the story that Love is the underlying focus. The Garden of Eden was a place of delight... of Love..of relationship. The fall of man caused a major gap in thinking. It caused us to walk away from our True Love. Then we strived to return to what we were familiar with. We were like little children trying to get the attention of their father. We jump around, scream, hollar, throw a temper tantrum... we laugh, crack jokes...all for one simple glance from our Creator.
The reality is that we have a restored relationship with our Father. We already have His attention. Christianity is not based on competitions, games, and such. It is simply based on Love. No longer do I strive for His Attention.
Many times we are like the son, who when his prodigal brother returns home, get upset when the Father throws a party for him in honor of his return. What the son didn't realize then was that all that his Father had was his. The son had a love issue.
We're just like him. We get caught up in the politics of life that we forget that we don't need to strive any longer. The price has been paid.
So this is what I know today:
- I am a son who has the attention and heart of God at my disposal and am walking in the sonship that has been given to me by God. He loves me. There is no doubt about that. I am forever in the care of His Watchful eye.
Love is not based on outward things...what we think others should do, what they should say, what they should think. Love is based on inward things. Love is spiritual and when love is spiritual it will have an outward effect on every aspect of our lives. However we must realize first and foremost that Love is spiritual. Love is Spirit. We are spirit. We were created to love. We were created to be like our Creator.
If we were truly filled with the Love of God that He gives us abundantly, we would have no problem with what others truly thought of us because Love overlooks and covers. Love should become our covering. Love should be our canopy. Love heals the broken. Love takes care of one another...not just in word but in deed. Love is our strength. Love is what gets us through the valley of the shadow of death. Love is what should define us. When people look up the word love in the dictionary, people should see our picture along side of the picture of God.
Love is the root to all life. It is what hinges this whole thing together. We will all have our own way of thinking...this isn't to say we will all look alike, sound alike, but the underlying thing will remain...love exists. People should be able to look at us and KNOW that love truly does exist.
That's what it means when you read: They will know we are Christians by our love for one another.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
When Things Are out of my Control...It be best to not Lose Control.
Do you ever have one of those days when things that are out of your control simply get out of control? It's funny how those things which are beyond our control tend to put us out of control with frustration, anxiety and such. It's easy to forget to remain in peace.
How easily I forget... that I almost didn't make it back in February. Yet when the hour keeps getting later on the clock, the more frustrated I seemed to get. It's out of my hands. If it were in my hands...hmmm... my, how things would look different.
But that's just it... it's not in my hand. So rather than be frustrated at the people who don't have the control of things either, I might as well count to 10, take a deep breath, grit the teeth if I have to and say a prayer, "Lord, You've got to help me here."
One never knows how much they are a control freak until they are out of control. I don't like being frustrated but yet I still fly off the handle sometimes. I say things I shouldn't say. I act in ways that I know I shouldn't act. I want to cry, scream kick, yell. Who is that hurting? Myself.
I must remember that getting frustrated isn't going to help me in the health department. Getting stressed isn't going to make my life any easier. As much as I want a change, it hasn't happened yet. That doesn't mean I give up looking. It does mean that I need to find a content place.
Life is too short to get upset over everything.
I remember hearing God say to my heart a while ago, "You may feel like you've let go but I haven't let go of you." That is so reassuring cause I know many a time we give Him plenty of reasons to want to let go. That's the power of grace in a nutshell.
So today, I take off my crown, and lay it down. I trust the One who loves me more than I deserve. I relinquish control.
Maybe this is my well experience.
How easily I forget... that I almost didn't make it back in February. Yet when the hour keeps getting later on the clock, the more frustrated I seemed to get. It's out of my hands. If it were in my hands...hmmm... my, how things would look different.
But that's just it... it's not in my hand. So rather than be frustrated at the people who don't have the control of things either, I might as well count to 10, take a deep breath, grit the teeth if I have to and say a prayer, "Lord, You've got to help me here."
One never knows how much they are a control freak until they are out of control. I don't like being frustrated but yet I still fly off the handle sometimes. I say things I shouldn't say. I act in ways that I know I shouldn't act. I want to cry, scream kick, yell. Who is that hurting? Myself.
I must remember that getting frustrated isn't going to help me in the health department. Getting stressed isn't going to make my life any easier. As much as I want a change, it hasn't happened yet. That doesn't mean I give up looking. It does mean that I need to find a content place.
Life is too short to get upset over everything.
I remember hearing God say to my heart a while ago, "You may feel like you've let go but I haven't let go of you." That is so reassuring cause I know many a time we give Him plenty of reasons to want to let go. That's the power of grace in a nutshell.
So today, I take off my crown, and lay it down. I trust the One who loves me more than I deserve. I relinquish control.
Maybe this is my well experience.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Wrestling Angels, Dawning of the Day, And A New Day
So last night, as I slept, I felt a very prophetic sense in my heart. I heard in my heart this statement that I want to share. "You can only wrestle with the Angel so long. Then at the dawning of the day, you will find yourself in a totally new place in life." Sound familiar? Remember Jacob? He wrestled with the Angel in the night. This is symbolic of the night season of the very soul. We all have those moments. He had no idea that on this particular night his life would forever be altered physcially, emotionally, and spiritually.
1) Physically - The Angel touched Jacob's hip as Jacob said "I won't let you go till you bless me." Better be careful there Jacob buddy. You're blessing ended up with a broken hip. One thing about hips is that once they are broken they don't heal all that well. He ends up with a limp. This is important to understand. No longer can he rely on his own strength. He can't run away anymore. He is forever altered.
2) Emotionally - Jacob began to admit who he was. I Am Jacob. What was he saying? He was coming to the place in his life where maybe for the first time in his life he was a deceiver, a liar, a crook. This is important in order to move on. This is where I've come to. God chooses to move in extraordinary ways once our past is dealt with. Our negative past, even our positive past can't venture into the new day that is dawning.
3) Spiritually - We find Jacob's name is changed from deceiver to Israel...contender with God. This is a very spiritual experience. God begins His revelation of the covenant He made with Abraham and Isaac so long ago. Covenant comes inspite of our shortcomings. God shows up that evening where He finds Jacob between a rock and a hard place. Life changes for Jacob. He meets up with Esau, his brother who he had wronged in a sense so many times. There is somewhat a restoration. That's what God is intending for us...a restoration. In order to move forward into the new day and season of life we must recognize the reality of restoration.
As we have talked about in the last couple of blogs, we have dealt with the woman at the well. This well had a name. It was called Jacob's well. As Jacob's life was changed, so this woman's life was on a crash course of the Spirit. We find ourselves at the well. Our lives will be altered.
So in closing, I truly believe that some of us have been wrestling with the Angel. The breaking of dawn is nearing. We need to allow the Angel of the Lord to do what He intends to do, even if it means breaking our hip. There is definitely a new day ahead of us. A new season... of ministry, of life, of promotion, of good and not evil.
As horrible as a broken hip may seem, we're not going to be able to run away like we always have. Hollow out a walking stick. It's going to come in handy.
1) Physically - The Angel touched Jacob's hip as Jacob said "I won't let you go till you bless me." Better be careful there Jacob buddy. You're blessing ended up with a broken hip. One thing about hips is that once they are broken they don't heal all that well. He ends up with a limp. This is important to understand. No longer can he rely on his own strength. He can't run away anymore. He is forever altered.
2) Emotionally - Jacob began to admit who he was. I Am Jacob. What was he saying? He was coming to the place in his life where maybe for the first time in his life he was a deceiver, a liar, a crook. This is important in order to move on. This is where I've come to. God chooses to move in extraordinary ways once our past is dealt with. Our negative past, even our positive past can't venture into the new day that is dawning.
3) Spiritually - We find Jacob's name is changed from deceiver to Israel...contender with God. This is a very spiritual experience. God begins His revelation of the covenant He made with Abraham and Isaac so long ago. Covenant comes inspite of our shortcomings. God shows up that evening where He finds Jacob between a rock and a hard place. Life changes for Jacob. He meets up with Esau, his brother who he had wronged in a sense so many times. There is somewhat a restoration. That's what God is intending for us...a restoration. In order to move forward into the new day and season of life we must recognize the reality of restoration.
As we have talked about in the last couple of blogs, we have dealt with the woman at the well. This well had a name. It was called Jacob's well. As Jacob's life was changed, so this woman's life was on a crash course of the Spirit. We find ourselves at the well. Our lives will be altered.
So in closing, I truly believe that some of us have been wrestling with the Angel. The breaking of dawn is nearing. We need to allow the Angel of the Lord to do what He intends to do, even if it means breaking our hip. There is definitely a new day ahead of us. A new season... of ministry, of life, of promotion, of good and not evil.
As horrible as a broken hip may seem, we're not going to be able to run away like we always have. Hollow out a walking stick. It's going to come in handy.
Friday, June 26, 2009
The Human side of Michael Jackson and Me
I would never have thought that Michael Jackson would make up my next blog. I never followed his music. I knew of songs like Billie Jean, Bad, and a couple of others. I can appreciate his place in music history but I was never a fan.
I heard that had taken him to the hospital and of course the jokes were flying. Maybe his nose had fallen off... then the news was very grim. He had went in cardiac arrest. Sickness is never a laughing matter. I felt guilty. Then the news came that he had passed.
No matter what may or may not have happened along the way, Michael was a human being. Above and beyond the strangeness he was a man looking for something to surfice. He was looking for real love. Aren't we all?
No matter how much money he had, he was still looking for a place where love would heal the wounds of the past.
One statement that really made me thing was from a man who had talked to Michael and asked him "Michael are you a lonely man?" He said that Michael stared at him for about 10 seconds before answering. Michael then said "I am a very lonely man."
This spoke to me something very powerful. This made him appear human to me. I could for a moment identify with him. I've had seasons in my life where loneliness threatens to overwhelm me. One can be surrounded with money, possessions, and even people and still feel very alone.
To me this sounds like the woman at the well...lonely. Rejected. Frustrated. Afraid. Alone.
Driving home last night, I felt sad. I felt sad for his two sons and daughter. I felt their loss. He was their dad, no matter what.
I pray that Michael found Jesus sitting on the well. I pray that he made his peace.
I heard that had taken him to the hospital and of course the jokes were flying. Maybe his nose had fallen off... then the news was very grim. He had went in cardiac arrest. Sickness is never a laughing matter. I felt guilty. Then the news came that he had passed.
No matter what may or may not have happened along the way, Michael was a human being. Above and beyond the strangeness he was a man looking for something to surfice. He was looking for real love. Aren't we all?
No matter how much money he had, he was still looking for a place where love would heal the wounds of the past.
One statement that really made me thing was from a man who had talked to Michael and asked him "Michael are you a lonely man?" He said that Michael stared at him for about 10 seconds before answering. Michael then said "I am a very lonely man."
This spoke to me something very powerful. This made him appear human to me. I could for a moment identify with him. I've had seasons in my life where loneliness threatens to overwhelm me. One can be surrounded with money, possessions, and even people and still feel very alone.
To me this sounds like the woman at the well...lonely. Rejected. Frustrated. Afraid. Alone.
Driving home last night, I felt sad. I felt sad for his two sons and daughter. I felt their loss. He was their dad, no matter what.
I pray that Michael found Jesus sitting on the well. I pray that he made his peace.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
The Thirst for Perfect Love
So we come to a well...a place that is supposed to quench thirst however sometimes we find that no matter how much we drink from the well, our thirst still exists. This woman who came to the well found this out. She had been approaching the well for what could have been years. She came to the well alone. She came at the hottest point of the day. Why? To avoid her past. To avoid seeing the mirror image that projected itself back to her. She had been married five times. The man she lived with wasn't even her husband. She was just living with the guy.
I'm sure she came to the point in her life where she was fed up with the ridicule, the snickers, the back-biting, the hurtful words. She came to Jacob's well. He was another who had a hard time dealing with his identity. So this woman was in very good company.
An unhealthy image creates a thirst that can only be quenched spiritually. A spirit problem needs a spirit solution. An emotional problem needs an emotional and spiritual solution.
Perfect love casts out fear. I don't know about you but I sure could use some fear casting out. Life tends to be lived in the moment yet that moment tends to be filled with strong emotional charge.
This woman saw another "Man" at the well that day who would confront her in such a way that in the end her life would be forever altered. What was the issue? He was dealing with her thirst. Her thirst had led her in ways she had no idea of. It was more than just her relationships. Obviously her relationships weren't working. Her thirst was for love. Perfect love.
She was looking for something more fulfilling. Aren't we all?
So we keep coming to the well. We confront our image. There is a day coming when Perfect Love will quench our thirst. The day is sooner than we realize. Maybe today... if we will open ourselves up to it.
I'm sure she came to the point in her life where she was fed up with the ridicule, the snickers, the back-biting, the hurtful words. She came to Jacob's well. He was another who had a hard time dealing with his identity. So this woman was in very good company.
An unhealthy image creates a thirst that can only be quenched spiritually. A spirit problem needs a spirit solution. An emotional problem needs an emotional and spiritual solution.
Perfect love casts out fear. I don't know about you but I sure could use some fear casting out. Life tends to be lived in the moment yet that moment tends to be filled with strong emotional charge.
This woman saw another "Man" at the well that day who would confront her in such a way that in the end her life would be forever altered. What was the issue? He was dealing with her thirst. Her thirst had led her in ways she had no idea of. It was more than just her relationships. Obviously her relationships weren't working. Her thirst was for love. Perfect love.
She was looking for something more fulfilling. Aren't we all?
So we keep coming to the well. We confront our image. There is a day coming when Perfect Love will quench our thirst. The day is sooner than we realize. Maybe today... if we will open ourselves up to it.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
The Well
Vulnerability is something that we try to avoid for whatever reason. Especially when it comes to expressing our faith in Jesus Christ. We don't want anyone to think we're weak. We're supposed to be the man or woman of faith and power. Yet we deal with our humanity which can be quite daunting. I used to speak and teach so hard against emotion and soul because I wasn't allowing myself to experience wholeness. Until I am whole in my emotions and soul I will never be able to understand what it truly means to be spiritual. Being spiritual is truly learning to embrace our emotion.
This last couple of seasons have found me in a vulnerable place. It's not wrong. It doesn't mean I don't have faith. I've been reading the Bible in a different way. I see something throughout scripture from Genesis to Revelation...these are human beings on a very real spiritual journey. The woman at the well in John 4 was a vulnerable woman in a vulnerable place. Jesus didn't come to the well that day to condemn her. He came to help her see that she could have a different life than what she was living.
Life looks alot different now since I had my health issue. Before that, I was frustrated with life really. Things were going on around me that really were out of my control but they would still have an affect on me. I now realize that the things I have no control over are nothing to get upset over.
So today I want to say in closing...don't feel condemned for feeling...for having emotion. It's okay to be vulnerable. Allow yourself to be who you are. Keep coming to your well. One day you'll find that Jesus may be at your well.
This last couple of seasons have found me in a vulnerable place. It's not wrong. It doesn't mean I don't have faith. I've been reading the Bible in a different way. I see something throughout scripture from Genesis to Revelation...these are human beings on a very real spiritual journey. The woman at the well in John 4 was a vulnerable woman in a vulnerable place. Jesus didn't come to the well that day to condemn her. He came to help her see that she could have a different life than what she was living.
Life looks alot different now since I had my health issue. Before that, I was frustrated with life really. Things were going on around me that really were out of my control but they would still have an affect on me. I now realize that the things I have no control over are nothing to get upset over.
So today I want to say in closing...don't feel condemned for feeling...for having emotion. It's okay to be vulnerable. Allow yourself to be who you are. Keep coming to your well. One day you'll find that Jesus may be at your well.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
The Journey of the Moment
Life sure is a journey. I realize that it's important to take in the scenery of the journey called life as I won't be able to embrace this moment again. Moments are fleeting. There's here...well.. for but a moment. It's important to remember where we once had been but don't allow that to keep you from enjoying where you are. So many times I have been caught up in the past...the glories and the failures... that I keep living and missing the moments that presented before me.
An article that the Late Rich Mullins had wrote for Release Magazine comes to mind...I thought I'd like to share...
It is for those every-once-in-a-while kind of moments - far more than for those once-upon-a-time ones - that we can be most thankful. It is in those moments that we find some sense of who we are. Regardless of how grand or how common the event of the moment is, in it we see ourselves at our absolute best - focused, poised and pure - no compromise, no ulterior motives, no self deception or pretense. We see what we are like when we have no point to prove or score, no bills to fit, no scrutinizing to endure... We meet again that child in us who stills loves to swim naked in the cold, quick-running waters of the now - the child in us who can feel in his skin and very bones the warmth and brilliance of the sun. In those moments there is that flash of astonishing recognition: this is not a child who is merely in us - this child is us.
No wonder we love the moments and want them to linger. But for now they can't, so we must let them go. They are the flicker of some holy flame, a twinkling of an eye wherein the dead come alive again. Remember them, thank the Lord for them, but move on into the next moment and be present in it. It is God's present to you.
So many times we just look at the wrappers of the present that God gives us. The present is His Presence in the present moment.
I read a quote from a book called "Waking the Dead" by John Elderidge.
"The Glory of God is man fully alive." I love this statement yet it causes me to wonder how many days I've spent not being fully alive. There I go again. The longer I think of that the less apt I am to enjoy and embrace the moment that is presented before me.
After my bout of sickness that almost took me literally out of this world, I find that life is sweeter. Life is grander... life is good. Too bad it had to take that close call to cause me to wake up and smell the roses so to speak. After so much loss in the last little while, one tends to feel like their stuck in the middle of the tunnel and not being able to see the light at the end. But thank the Lord for His Grace and mercy.
I guess I will end this blog with this thought: The bible says "where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty." If this truly is the case, and it is, no matter what moment I find myself in, the good, the bad, or the ugly, I know this to be true...If He's with me, and He promised that He would be, then I am in liberty now.
Thanks for the Hug, Jesus. :)
An article that the Late Rich Mullins had wrote for Release Magazine comes to mind...I thought I'd like to share...
It is for those every-once-in-a-while kind of moments - far more than for those once-upon-a-time ones - that we can be most thankful. It is in those moments that we find some sense of who we are. Regardless of how grand or how common the event of the moment is, in it we see ourselves at our absolute best - focused, poised and pure - no compromise, no ulterior motives, no self deception or pretense. We see what we are like when we have no point to prove or score, no bills to fit, no scrutinizing to endure... We meet again that child in us who stills loves to swim naked in the cold, quick-running waters of the now - the child in us who can feel in his skin and very bones the warmth and brilliance of the sun. In those moments there is that flash of astonishing recognition: this is not a child who is merely in us - this child is us.
No wonder we love the moments and want them to linger. But for now they can't, so we must let them go. They are the flicker of some holy flame, a twinkling of an eye wherein the dead come alive again. Remember them, thank the Lord for them, but move on into the next moment and be present in it. It is God's present to you.
So many times we just look at the wrappers of the present that God gives us. The present is His Presence in the present moment.
I read a quote from a book called "Waking the Dead" by John Elderidge.
"The Glory of God is man fully alive." I love this statement yet it causes me to wonder how many days I've spent not being fully alive. There I go again. The longer I think of that the less apt I am to enjoy and embrace the moment that is presented before me.
After my bout of sickness that almost took me literally out of this world, I find that life is sweeter. Life is grander... life is good. Too bad it had to take that close call to cause me to wake up and smell the roses so to speak. After so much loss in the last little while, one tends to feel like their stuck in the middle of the tunnel and not being able to see the light at the end. But thank the Lord for His Grace and mercy.
I guess I will end this blog with this thought: The bible says "where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty." If this truly is the case, and it is, no matter what moment I find myself in, the good, the bad, or the ugly, I know this to be true...If He's with me, and He promised that He would be, then I am in liberty now.
Thanks for the Hug, Jesus. :)
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Relay For Life...What a Journey.
Tired, sore feet. Aching knees. Tired...and I was only there half the night so the poor peopole who actually stayed the whole night...I can only imagine. It was a very emotional experience for me. The Survivor's lap was absolutely amazing. I stood there in tears as the names of the survivor's were read. My thoughts were that my niece would be one of these amazing people next year. The second lap was reserved for the teams. I was fine until I saw the team for the Cancer Support Group. Their banner had a huge picture of my dear friend Sandi. Tears stung the eyes again. I had this ache within.
I walked around afterward looking for my luminary that I would light in memory of my Grandfather. I finally found it and also saw some luminaries in memory of my uncle. That was another moving experience to watch as at dusk these luminaries were light. It was beautiful.
At around 11 pm, I sang around the bonfire. The first song was the one I had wrote for Sandi the week of her passing. Writing is a therapy for me. It's how I can express my heart in difficult seasons. Sandi's mother, who I had just met last night, heard the song and that was such a treat. The atmosphere around the fire was very interesting. A lot of teens were around the fire. So many times I feel intimidated by young people however they were very respectful of the moment. I could feel I had people with me and understand what it was I was trying to convey with the song. Sandi, you did leave a piece of you alive within all of us. You touched so many lives. Even if it may have been a one time encounter.
A Piece of You
Alive in MeI told you how I felt just in time
Now you're gone and I'm left with questions
Can't imagine life without you here
I miss the smile, the laughter, the servant you are
Chorus:
We prayed and believed together for a miracle
We shared the good and the bad together
And when the time came for you to go on home
I guess I'll learn how it is to have a piece of you alive in me
You had so many hopes and dreams
A desire of family and someone to love
When you heard the news you held on
Sitting on my sofa we kept the dream alive
Chorus again
I wish for one more moment
One more day
One more time to spend with you
I wish I could hear your voice
See your eyes dance the way they did
I know you're where you belong
No pain can stop you now
Only love carries you on the clouds
I know I shouldn't cry
I am thankful for the moments we had
It's just my selfish side
Wanting to keep you here
But I let you go
I say goodbye
Rest, my sister, rest
Clayton A. Stairs, October 28, 2008
I can say that this evening was healing as I wasn't able to attend Sandi's memorial service. I felt last night that I had my opportunity to say goodbye, to let go, and to just know that everything is okay.
I walked around afterward looking for my luminary that I would light in memory of my Grandfather. I finally found it and also saw some luminaries in memory of my uncle. That was another moving experience to watch as at dusk these luminaries were light. It was beautiful.
At around 11 pm, I sang around the bonfire. The first song was the one I had wrote for Sandi the week of her passing. Writing is a therapy for me. It's how I can express my heart in difficult seasons. Sandi's mother, who I had just met last night, heard the song and that was such a treat. The atmosphere around the fire was very interesting. A lot of teens were around the fire. So many times I feel intimidated by young people however they were very respectful of the moment. I could feel I had people with me and understand what it was I was trying to convey with the song. Sandi, you did leave a piece of you alive within all of us. You touched so many lives. Even if it may have been a one time encounter.
A Piece of You
Alive in MeI told you how I felt just in time
Now you're gone and I'm left with questions
Can't imagine life without you here
I miss the smile, the laughter, the servant you are
Chorus:
We prayed and believed together for a miracle
We shared the good and the bad together
And when the time came for you to go on home
I guess I'll learn how it is to have a piece of you alive in me
You had so many hopes and dreams
A desire of family and someone to love
When you heard the news you held on
Sitting on my sofa we kept the dream alive
Chorus again
I wish for one more moment
One more day
One more time to spend with you
I wish I could hear your voice
See your eyes dance the way they did
I know you're where you belong
No pain can stop you now
Only love carries you on the clouds
I know I shouldn't cry
I am thankful for the moments we had
It's just my selfish side
Wanting to keep you here
But I let you go
I say goodbye
Rest, my sister, rest
Clayton A. Stairs, October 28, 2008
I can say that this evening was healing as I wasn't able to attend Sandi's memorial service. I felt last night that I had my opportunity to say goodbye, to let go, and to just know that everything is okay.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Bonfires and Rememberings
Blogging. Everyone seems to be doing it these days. So why should I? Who would take the time to be interested in my thoughts? Maybe it's more cathartic than anything. Yet here I am.
I'm really excited about Relay for Life on June 5th. I am going to be singing at it. I guess I'm scheduled to sing at the bonfire. That will be really nice I'm sure. I wrote a song the week a good friend and sister of mine passed away. She had fought a long, hard battle with cancer. I miss her greatly. The song is called "A Piece of You Alive in Me." I have come to learn that she left each of us a piece of herself and once that is embraced and we come together as one, we learn and realize that she is definitely with us.
I find it really neat to be singing at the bonfire cause if my memory serves me right, we had a birthday party for Sandi around a campfire.
Although I wasn't able to attend her funeral for reasons beyond my control, this will be my time of closure.
My thoughts are also with my sister and niece down in Halifax. My niece is facing her own battle with Leukemia. On top of all that, she is also dealing with Pancriatis. I hope she gets on the mend soon and is able to come home.
So I hope to have some more blogs as time goes by. We'll see where this takes us.
I'm really excited about Relay for Life on June 5th. I am going to be singing at it. I guess I'm scheduled to sing at the bonfire. That will be really nice I'm sure. I wrote a song the week a good friend and sister of mine passed away. She had fought a long, hard battle with cancer. I miss her greatly. The song is called "A Piece of You Alive in Me." I have come to learn that she left each of us a piece of herself and once that is embraced and we come together as one, we learn and realize that she is definitely with us.
I find it really neat to be singing at the bonfire cause if my memory serves me right, we had a birthday party for Sandi around a campfire.
Although I wasn't able to attend her funeral for reasons beyond my control, this will be my time of closure.
My thoughts are also with my sister and niece down in Halifax. My niece is facing her own battle with Leukemia. On top of all that, she is also dealing with Pancriatis. I hope she gets on the mend soon and is able to come home.
So I hope to have some more blogs as time goes by. We'll see where this takes us.
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