So I'm not an entertainer. I knew that. I've known that for a long time now. It's not who I am. I sing serious songs...heart songs... prayer songs...life songs. Maybe I sing to help keep me grounded. Maybe I sing for no other reason than to keep my heart in check.
I left tonight from where I was with this deep sense... I'm not an entertainer. I never will be. I was never meant to be.
As a kid I always dreamed of singing in front of crowded stadiums... crowds now scare me. Even if the crowd is only 30 people...because I'm not an entertainer. I can't just sing a song for the sake of it.
I sang an acapella song tonight... started it too high... Busted a lung (literally) and just knew that I wasn't meant to entertain.
So what am I to do? I sing songs...whiptydo! I want to do more than sing songs. I want to sing something meaningful. I want to worship. I want to connect. I want to minister. People don't understand that.... they're not meant to.
So I've come to this resolve. Next Saturday rather than try and hide from what I know I want to do, why don't I just do what I'm comfortable with. Sing. Worship. Be myself. Rather than find songs that are a bit ambiguous, sing from my heart what I know pleases God. When it pleases God, I know I've done what I was to do.
So tomorrow when I go to the Salvation Army church to sing...I will be caught up in worship and awe of the One who loves me beyond what I could ever dream or imagine.
It's not about how high of a note I can sing or how long I can hold the note for. Tonight I couldn't hold a note for a very long time. Who cares. That's not what it's all about anyway. It's about the heart. I left knowing that I pleased God. I left knowing somehow He was holding me. I love that song Mr Rich Mullins... Hold Me Jesus....what a thought.
It's not about losing confidence in singing because I haven't. My voice has changed yet again. It's deeper. It's more of a folk music nature. I'm okay with that.
I remember what Sara Groves said in an interview once. She came to the place in her life that she realized she would be doing music whether or not people were listening. Maybe that's how I feel.
I want you to know that you entertain,an your sogs and the way you sing them not only please God but please the people listening to them.You do entertain,you fill us with hope,spirituality,and a faith that with Gods help we can do anything.That is what we walk away with when you are done,do we remember what other people sang,no but we remember that you sang with a passion that shows in every fibre of your being,that is what we take away from your singing.When you sang you raise me up,I felt raised up,the fact that you can sing that song accapella is one thing but to do it with a passion that makes us want more. I like it better with no music because then you listen to the words. You are an entertainer,and I want to thank you so much for helping tonight for such a cause as my friend,and when i need singers you are always the one I am going to call to first. Thank you from your biggest fan. Brigid.
ReplyDeleteOh I am so excited I can now post comments!!! I read your blog on Micheal Jackson and could not respond,but now i can.
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