From Grief to Optimistic Hope

My, how a year goes by quickly. It's been a year since I started expressing my heart and thought on here. Alot of changes have happened. Alot of life has been lived and the journey has had twists and turns: some expected, some not. That's the funny thing about life, we never know what it holds. Probably for the best we don't. I'm not sure we would embrace it as we should.

A year ago, I was still coming to terms with alot of things:

1) My health scare
2) Andrea's diagnosis
3) Sandi's passing
4) My Grandfather's/uncle's passing

Alot of grief....

I felt like Charlie Brown "Good Grief"...

Alot of emotional roller coaster rides. Alot of fear, joy, anxiety, tears, frustration, anger, feeling it wasn't fair, maybe it was fair, who knows....

Lots of love.

Lots of encouragement.

Lots of prayer, positive thoughts, positive energy.

Friday night, I had a wonderful opportunity and took it. I sang a couple of original songs for Relay for Life in Nackawic, my old stomping grounds. It was a great experience. I hadn't been back in at least 13-16 years. All the hurt and frustration I had felt...all the resentment, disappointment and anger had been replaced with a love. I sang my songs with a vulnerable confidence. I'm not a performer. But I do have something to say. That's not being cocky or thinking I'm all that and a bag of chips. I knew why I was there. I was there for one reason and one reason alone: these songs were Andrea's songs. They chronicle her journey.

I saw people I hadn't seen in a very very long time. The reception was pretty good. Who knows what may come out of it. Maybe nothing, That's okay. I'm alright. I'm honored. I'm blessed.

I had a chance to pray with a friend's mother. God's funny sometimes. I couldn't leave the event without obeying what I sensed. I know better.

I'm loved. I love. God loves in and through me. God loves me. That's the only way I can love because He first loved me.

So this year was so different than last year. Last year I was engulfed in my grief. This year I an engulfed in hopeful optimism. I think my friend would be pleased to hear that. That's not to say I won't have my moments of fear. I will. I know I will. And I will have to surround myself with these optimistic people who will listen to me and be me.

That's what I so appreciate: people who will let me be me. Let me be afraid. Let me be frustrated. Let me express my joy. Thank you.