I love how life has taken on more meaning this past season of my life. I must be honest by saying that I thought my life would look differently than it does. I would love to have been married by now with children. I would have thought my life would have been in what I thought ministry would have looked like.
But...
I must say that I am thankful....grateful... for what my life looks like right now. Ministry is sweet.
I have had such opportunities in the last 6 months that have been absolutely out of this world crazy and amazing. I have reconnected to people that I haven't seen in many many years. I have been able to encourage them.
And it hasn't all been about me encouraging them, pouring into them, taking them "under my wing". Not in the least. It's been about watching my family increase. Gaining a brother. Gaining a sister. Watching friendships rekindle. Being full of awe and wonder at what is God up to.
Yeah, my life is wonderful right now.
Ministry has taken on a different look right now. I am part of a grass roots ministry right now. I am singing background vocals which I enjoy. I am sharing once a month for a few minutes.
I don't know what's ahead for me.... but I must say that being 35 has been alright. :)
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Connection - 20 years and Never Missed A Beat
This weekend was I think one of the most important weekends of the year for me. I had the great opportunity to visit with a friend of mine who I hadn't seen in 20 years. We had met at a Bible Camp when we were 15. I really believe that he left a carbon footprint on my soul.... well the God within him did for sure.
We had a lot to catch up on sure. Life sure has been interesting for the both of us. Lots of good stuff...some trials and tribulations.... fear...frustration..... stress. And yet even in the midst of all that stuff, God is still present and real.
Though 20 years went by, it was like we never missed a beat. Which blows my mind really. 20 years is a long time but I tell you that what a feeling of ease knowing that things hadn't changed in the friendship at all.
I had often wondered where life had taken him and we took the time to talk about everything we could. We shared a lot of stuff on a deeper level.
I was so honored to have been asked to stay in his home and meet his wife and son (and Liberty, the Dog). I felt as if I were part of the family. We're working on another visit soon... not another 20 year wait. :)
As I drove up the driveway to go home, I was overwhelmed by the gift God gave me to reconnect. That's what this whole life is about. Connection. Connection is vital. It's important. We need it. We were created to connect.
It's not about having an answer for every question or a response to every conversation. I think I've learned finally over the last few years that the listening ear is more important. To be there for a person. To let them vent, express, feel what they do. Not to try and change them into who you think they should be. That's not where it's at.
I desire connection. That's what I want in my life. That's what life is all about anyway. I want to be present when they need to talk, vent, express. Here's my ear.... it's ready. I hope I won't feel the need to give the pat answer. If I do, please accept my apology in advance. :)
We had a lot to catch up on sure. Life sure has been interesting for the both of us. Lots of good stuff...some trials and tribulations.... fear...frustration..... stress. And yet even in the midst of all that stuff, God is still present and real.
Though 20 years went by, it was like we never missed a beat. Which blows my mind really. 20 years is a long time but I tell you that what a feeling of ease knowing that things hadn't changed in the friendship at all.
I had often wondered where life had taken him and we took the time to talk about everything we could. We shared a lot of stuff on a deeper level.
I was so honored to have been asked to stay in his home and meet his wife and son (and Liberty, the Dog). I felt as if I were part of the family. We're working on another visit soon... not another 20 year wait. :)
As I drove up the driveway to go home, I was overwhelmed by the gift God gave me to reconnect. That's what this whole life is about. Connection. Connection is vital. It's important. We need it. We were created to connect.
It's not about having an answer for every question or a response to every conversation. I think I've learned finally over the last few years that the listening ear is more important. To be there for a person. To let them vent, express, feel what they do. Not to try and change them into who you think they should be. That's not where it's at.
I desire connection. That's what I want in my life. That's what life is all about anyway. I want to be present when they need to talk, vent, express. Here's my ear.... it's ready. I hope I won't feel the need to give the pat answer. If I do, please accept my apology in advance. :)
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Moving Forward, Reconnections and the Journey
Well I have spent some time contemplating, thinking about God did in my life over the course of this past weekend at the first anniversary service for Forward Church. It's hard to believe that a year ago God began to move upon my heart to connect to the church. I've had an amazing experience, made alot of good friends and family.
This weekend we had two pastors from Ohio have our services. Saturday night was so powerful. It caused me to realize that I can still believe in the dreams that God has for me. I must not let go of the dream.
Sunday morning was just as powerful.
Though I was tired, I felt I needed to go hear one of the pastor's preach at another church Sunday night. Again there was a deep impartation presented.
There was a song sung that totally went deep into my heart and I've been singing it all week:
I'M NOT GOING BACK
I'M MOVING AHEAD
I'M HERE TO DECLARE TO YOU
MY PAST IS OVER IN YOU
This is what the weekend meant for me. It's about moving forward.... to not be content staying where I am at in my life.
I once again found a couple of friends from my camper days as a teenager on Facebook. I find it so amazing all these reconnections coming my way. I believe there is a reason for it.
I'm very excited for the weekend. I am going down to visit with a friend and meet his wife and son. Again another connection from my camp days....after all these years.... it's like we never lost touch.
You may wonder about these reconnections.... isn't that going back to the past? Not at all.... I really believe that reconnections are meant for the future. God has something in mind.... I'm embracing this.
I wonder:
what does the second year of Forward Church mean to me?
what does the reconnections mean?
I'm looking forward to the journey....
This weekend we had two pastors from Ohio have our services. Saturday night was so powerful. It caused me to realize that I can still believe in the dreams that God has for me. I must not let go of the dream.
Sunday morning was just as powerful.
Though I was tired, I felt I needed to go hear one of the pastor's preach at another church Sunday night. Again there was a deep impartation presented.
There was a song sung that totally went deep into my heart and I've been singing it all week:
I'M NOT GOING BACK
I'M MOVING AHEAD
I'M HERE TO DECLARE TO YOU
MY PAST IS OVER IN YOU
This is what the weekend meant for me. It's about moving forward.... to not be content staying where I am at in my life.
I once again found a couple of friends from my camper days as a teenager on Facebook. I find it so amazing all these reconnections coming my way. I believe there is a reason for it.
I'm very excited for the weekend. I am going down to visit with a friend and meet his wife and son. Again another connection from my camp days....after all these years.... it's like we never lost touch.
You may wonder about these reconnections.... isn't that going back to the past? Not at all.... I really believe that reconnections are meant for the future. God has something in mind.... I'm embracing this.
I wonder:
what does the second year of Forward Church mean to me?
what does the reconnections mean?
I'm looking forward to the journey....
Thursday, July 28, 2011
The Journey: One Year of Risks, Faith, and Water Walking
One year.
An Anniversary.
A new day for me.
A life changing, life-altering day.
That's how I describe this weekend coming.
August 1st, 2010, I got ready for a morning church service. I didn't know anyone at this new church I was about to go to. I knew of them but that was all. I walked in, and felt at home even though I didn't know these people.
These people: are who I now call dear friends.
I didn't go there expecting to make it my home church. I knew a change was coming into my life. I didn't know what that change was going to look like. I'm glad I didn't talk myself out of going. I almost did. I'm so glad I didn't. I opened myself up to love, to friendship.
We all have a journey we must walk. We must be open to the twists and turns of that journey. To hear God's voice sometimes requires us to take a risk. To follow in His footsteps requires us to take a risk. We sometimes need to step out of the boat of familiarity and defy gravity.
Those first few weeks required me to walk on water so to speak. Now I know that Jesus was walking on the water with me. I continue to trust the journey.
I look forward to the 2nd year of the journey.
An Anniversary.
A new day for me.
A life changing, life-altering day.
That's how I describe this weekend coming.
August 1st, 2010, I got ready for a morning church service. I didn't know anyone at this new church I was about to go to. I knew of them but that was all. I walked in, and felt at home even though I didn't know these people.
These people: are who I now call dear friends.
I didn't go there expecting to make it my home church. I knew a change was coming into my life. I didn't know what that change was going to look like. I'm glad I didn't talk myself out of going. I almost did. I'm so glad I didn't. I opened myself up to love, to friendship.
We all have a journey we must walk. We must be open to the twists and turns of that journey. To hear God's voice sometimes requires us to take a risk. To follow in His footsteps requires us to take a risk. We sometimes need to step out of the boat of familiarity and defy gravity.
Those first few weeks required me to walk on water so to speak. Now I know that Jesus was walking on the water with me. I continue to trust the journey.
I look forward to the 2nd year of the journey.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Laying Aside the Judgements: Moving from Judgement to Truth
So my thoughts may seem a bit melancholy with this post.
I had heard earlier in the week of someone's passing. I never met them that I am aware of. I had heard of them but always in a negative light so it formed my perception of them but does my perception make them who they really are?
Has what I heard of them be the truth or is it based on someone else's perception?
We do this a lot. We take what we have heard and four our own perceptions and judgments and call them truth. We call it "discernment". Our truth.
Not every "bad" person has only "bad" qualities. There may be many contributing factors to have created the "bad boy" image. There is good in everybody. Sometimes one has to take the time and search for it.
Not every "good" person has only "good" qualities. We are human. We have flaws, failures, indescretions.
So it brings me to the point of this blog. Who set me up as judge and jury on the lives of people? Jesus said so many times "Don't judge. It's not your job." And yet how often I find myself doing it. Judging people is not loving people. Only God is supposed to judge.
I remember a kid growing up and he had such a temper and a bad reputation. I thought, "What a bad kid!" No... he was a kid trying to make it in the world the best he knew how. I don't know where he is now. Hee was a kid who needed love.
Some people seem hard to love but maybe that's the challenge.
Then I think of Victor. A hard life... a hard hand dealt. I wish he would have won with that hand. I wish I could have been better with him rather than judge him. I wonder if we'd have remained good friends no matter where in the world we would find ourselves after all these years? I'd have loved to celebrate with him becoming a grandfather. I would have loved to have good long talks...encourage one another on our respective journeys.
So I think I best lay down the gavel, take off the pious judge's robe and just be what a true normal person should be.... gracious, full of mercy, love, compassion, a big heart full of rooms for everyone. It's time I extend beyond mysel, lay aside all those presumptions, perceptions, and lies and really desire truth. Seek Truth. Search for it. Go after it like a lover.
I had heard earlier in the week of someone's passing. I never met them that I am aware of. I had heard of them but always in a negative light so it formed my perception of them but does my perception make them who they really are?
Has what I heard of them be the truth or is it based on someone else's perception?
We do this a lot. We take what we have heard and four our own perceptions and judgments and call them truth. We call it "discernment". Our truth.
Not every "bad" person has only "bad" qualities. There may be many contributing factors to have created the "bad boy" image. There is good in everybody. Sometimes one has to take the time and search for it.
Not every "good" person has only "good" qualities. We are human. We have flaws, failures, indescretions.
So it brings me to the point of this blog. Who set me up as judge and jury on the lives of people? Jesus said so many times "Don't judge. It's not your job." And yet how often I find myself doing it. Judging people is not loving people. Only God is supposed to judge.
I remember a kid growing up and he had such a temper and a bad reputation. I thought, "What a bad kid!" No... he was a kid trying to make it in the world the best he knew how. I don't know where he is now. Hee was a kid who needed love.
Some people seem hard to love but maybe that's the challenge.
Then I think of Victor. A hard life... a hard hand dealt. I wish he would have won with that hand. I wish I could have been better with him rather than judge him. I wonder if we'd have remained good friends no matter where in the world we would find ourselves after all these years? I'd have loved to celebrate with him becoming a grandfather. I would have loved to have good long talks...encourage one another on our respective journeys.
So I think I best lay down the gavel, take off the pious judge's robe and just be what a true normal person should be.... gracious, full of mercy, love, compassion, a big heart full of rooms for everyone. It's time I extend beyond mysel, lay aside all those presumptions, perceptions, and lies and really desire truth. Seek Truth. Search for it. Go after it like a lover.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
What I Would Do.... the Journey from Pain to Growth
I hate to see people in pain. I hate to see those I love with all my heart end up having a broken heart themselves. If I could I would protect them from having to experience such feelings.
As good as my intentions may be: there's nothing I can do.
It's a helpless feeling actually.
I'd fight, scream, cry... anything if it would mean that those I love were safe from being hurt.
Sometimes it is through pain that growth happens. If I protect those I love from pain then maybe they won't learn the lessons they need.
Do I wish someone would have protected me? Yes and no. I don't enjoy being broken hearted. I don't enjoy pain.
BUT
I have learned so much in my 35 years....sometimes through the hardships of life. I can't discredit the school of hard knocks, broken hearts and the freedom of souls.
It's hard to stand back and watch. But it's something that I need to do. I need to pray and trust that the same God who brought me through will bring through the ones I love.
Some of you are about to embark a journey that is something you never thought you'd walk but I know you will make it.
As good as my intentions may be: there's nothing I can do.
It's a helpless feeling actually.
I'd fight, scream, cry... anything if it would mean that those I love were safe from being hurt.
Sometimes it is through pain that growth happens. If I protect those I love from pain then maybe they won't learn the lessons they need.
Do I wish someone would have protected me? Yes and no. I don't enjoy being broken hearted. I don't enjoy pain.
BUT
I have learned so much in my 35 years....sometimes through the hardships of life. I can't discredit the school of hard knocks, broken hearts and the freedom of souls.
It's hard to stand back and watch. But it's something that I need to do. I need to pray and trust that the same God who brought me through will bring through the ones I love.
Some of you are about to embark a journey that is something you never thought you'd walk but I know you will make it.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Clay's Week in Review
What a week it has been. It's been extremely busy but oh so enjoyable. It all started last Saturday night with my niece's pinning ceremony. This is a ceremony that celebrates the achievements of the Practical Nursing program. My niece is now a Practical Nurse. There's one more hurdle to come in September. It's a big exam that gives her the liscence. I'm very happy and excited that after all she has been through this last two and a half years that she worked hard at what she loves to do.
Monday night was my nephew's prom. He was very handsome in his tux. His date was absolutely stunning in her dress. They made a lovely couple. The excitement I felt was overwhelming. I felt as if I were living my experience through him. I didn't go to my prom which had been my choice but now looking back I wonder if I missed out on the experience.
Wednesday night was his graduation. I am so proud. I hope I don't sound like I'm bragging. He won 8 awards that evening. One for Chemistry. One for French. He had high honors. I don't even remember all the awards he won. He also had a few scholarships as well. He's going to the University of New Brunswick to pursue Science in the field of medicine. The thought that he may find a cure for some disease...oh wow. :) Anything is possible.
Friday morning was my niece and sister's graduation. Who would have thought that a mother and daughter would graduate together. My sister graduated with honors and she also was chosen for the principal's award. I was so proud and excited for her. She had some tough hurdles to cross over the year but she did it! God helped her. I know there were many tears shed, frustration felt but God saw fit to give her the strength to not only complete but also to thrive.
So three wonderful and important people in my life begin to embark on a journey of new things. I pray that this same stamina will be imparted to me to embark new things too.
I was very encouraged last night by watching the news. For whatever reason, I have been praying for a small community. I really don't have any connection to this community other than I had been there a few times as a teen. I always felt some sort of connection to this community. Anyways, last night I heard that a business is going to be expanding there.
You may wonder why I was encouraged by this. The reason is that I have been praying for this community and felt that there were businesses that were going to bring life back to this community. The last time I had been there, I felt this deep sadness. I felt like I had been transferred to a desert. God is wanting to take this community and bring it back to life. Not to just it's former glory but to a present glory. So this is exciting for me.
I have also been encouraged by talking to friends this week. I have talked to a friend I haven't seen in 25 years. She shared some of her story with me. We all have a story that needs to be shared. I am so glad she trusted me enough to share. :)
I also talked with a friend who has been having a bit of health issues. I've been praying for doors to open and close for him. I really believe it's going to happen.
My pastor encouraged me with an email concerning the way I had been handling background vocals at church. I don't have a soft voice...ha. I have so enjoyed singing background vocals. It is a bit different for me. I am used to just being completely spontaneous with singing where background vocals require me to be a bit more controlled....which isn't a bad thing. It's been a very positive experience.
So life is good. I don't know what's ahead. Maybe that's the beauty of it. I heard someone say once that it's not the destination but the journey that is beautiful. Maybe they're right.
Monday night was my nephew's prom. He was very handsome in his tux. His date was absolutely stunning in her dress. They made a lovely couple. The excitement I felt was overwhelming. I felt as if I were living my experience through him. I didn't go to my prom which had been my choice but now looking back I wonder if I missed out on the experience.
Wednesday night was his graduation. I am so proud. I hope I don't sound like I'm bragging. He won 8 awards that evening. One for Chemistry. One for French. He had high honors. I don't even remember all the awards he won. He also had a few scholarships as well. He's going to the University of New Brunswick to pursue Science in the field of medicine. The thought that he may find a cure for some disease...oh wow. :) Anything is possible.
Friday morning was my niece and sister's graduation. Who would have thought that a mother and daughter would graduate together. My sister graduated with honors and she also was chosen for the principal's award. I was so proud and excited for her. She had some tough hurdles to cross over the year but she did it! God helped her. I know there were many tears shed, frustration felt but God saw fit to give her the strength to not only complete but also to thrive.
So three wonderful and important people in my life begin to embark on a journey of new things. I pray that this same stamina will be imparted to me to embark new things too.
I was very encouraged last night by watching the news. For whatever reason, I have been praying for a small community. I really don't have any connection to this community other than I had been there a few times as a teen. I always felt some sort of connection to this community. Anyways, last night I heard that a business is going to be expanding there.
You may wonder why I was encouraged by this. The reason is that I have been praying for this community and felt that there were businesses that were going to bring life back to this community. The last time I had been there, I felt this deep sadness. I felt like I had been transferred to a desert. God is wanting to take this community and bring it back to life. Not to just it's former glory but to a present glory. So this is exciting for me.
I have also been encouraged by talking to friends this week. I have talked to a friend I haven't seen in 25 years. She shared some of her story with me. We all have a story that needs to be shared. I am so glad she trusted me enough to share. :)
I also talked with a friend who has been having a bit of health issues. I've been praying for doors to open and close for him. I really believe it's going to happen.
My pastor encouraged me with an email concerning the way I had been handling background vocals at church. I don't have a soft voice...ha. I have so enjoyed singing background vocals. It is a bit different for me. I am used to just being completely spontaneous with singing where background vocals require me to be a bit more controlled....which isn't a bad thing. It's been a very positive experience.
So life is good. I don't know what's ahead. Maybe that's the beauty of it. I heard someone say once that it's not the destination but the journey that is beautiful. Maybe they're right.
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